“Is George R.R. Martin Going To Die?” and Four Other Silly Google Search Suggestions

Greg Zimmerman

Staff Writer

Greg Zimmerman blogs about contemporary literary fiction at The New Dork Review of Books and holds down a full-time gig as a trade magazine editor. Follow him on Twitter: @NewDorkReview.

We are very stupid people. It’s true! You’ll find all the evidence you need by taking a gander at the suggestions Google gives you when you start typing a search.** What follows are some particularly funny/stupid ones from the world of literature. (Hint: If you want to try to find some of these silly suggestions on your own, it’s always best to frame the search as a question. People seem to think Google is a real person who will answer them.)







Given the break between his Song of Ice and Fire novels, I can understand people wondering if he’s dead, but wondering if he’s immortal (6th suggestion)? C’mon — that’s just geeky. And insane. And funny!







And now, after glancing at the last three suggestions, let’s all take a minute and weep for our future.  And good luck to the person whose quest is to discover where Leo Tolstoy is tonight.







Why does every f#%ing popular novel that comes out now have to be about vampires? WHY?!







Speaking of Twilight, look at the last suggestion. Are you kidding me? There isn’t a harsh enough punishment for the chucklehead who wondered if PattERson and PattINson are related.







Here, I’ll save you some time and answer these for you: Yes, Yes, Yes, Unequivocally no, Probably – but who cares, Demonic? No – they’re vampires, No, Yes (thank God), WTF does that mean?, No.

** Note: The search suggestions do depend, to some degree determined by Google’s goofy algorithm, on what you’ve searched for in the past when you’re logged into your Google account. So you may not see the same things as the photos above by typing the same terms. Just wanted to let you know.