If the Men From The Bachelorette Were Books

After being proposed to and then subsequently dumped on national television, Becca Kufrin returns to The Bachelor/ette franchise as this season’s star. The 28-year-old Minnesotan publicist starts her journey on May 28 to find “love” or at least a long enough relationship to get the payout from ABC (…oops).

Becca will begin with 28 men. After perusing their bios, here is a comprehensive, completely 100 percent accurate list of what they would be in literature form.

Are you ready for the Most Dramatic Book Riot List ever?!

Bachelor: Alex, 31, Construction Manager from Atlanta, Georgia
Book: The Million Dollar Smile: Changing Lives with Cosmetic Dentistry by Dr. Terri Alani, et al

Bachelor: Blake, 28, Sales Rep from Bailey, Colorado

Book: A Forgettable Man by Robert Golden

Bachelor: Chase, 27, Advertising VP from Sanford, Florida
Book: Creep: A Life, A Theory, An Apology, by Jonathan Alexander

Bachelor: Chris, 30, Sales Trainer from Orlando, Florida
Book: Can Holding in a Fart Kill You?: Over 150 Curious Question and Intriguing Answers by Andrew Thompson

Bachelor: Christian, 28, Banker from San Diego, California
Book: E.T.: The Illustrated Story Book by Kim Smith

Bachelor: Christon, 31, Former Harlem Globetrotter from Los Angeles, California
Book: Unique Baby Names and Meanings: Beautiful and Unusual Baby Names That Will Make Your Child Special by Casey Robson

Bachelor: Clay, 30, Pro Football Player from Chicago, Illinois
Book: The Bro Code by Barney Stinson, Matt Kuhn

Bachelor: Colton, 26, Former Pro Football Player from Denver, Colorado
Book: Confessions of an Ivy League Frat Boy (A Memoir) by Andrew Lohse

Bachelor: Connor, 25, Fitness Coach from St. Petersburg, Florida
Book: Serial Killers: An Adult Coloring Book by K Schroeder

Bachelor: Darius, 26, Pharmaceutical Sales Rep from Sherman Oaks, California
Book: Black Beauty by Anna Sewell

Bachelor: David, 25, Venture Capitalist from Denver, Colorado
Book: Real Men Wear Pink by Ricardo Davis

Bachelor: Garrett, 29, Medical Sales Rep from Reno, NV
Book: A Gronking to Remember (A Rob Gronkowski Erotica) by Lacey Noonan

Bachelor: Grant, 27, Electrician from Danville, California
Book: Matt Damon: A Biography by Maxine Diamond

Bachelor: Jake, 29, Marketing Consultant from Minneapolis, Minnesota
Book: Mommy Says I’m Pretty on the Insides (A Play) by Lucy Alibar

Bachelor: Jason, 29, Corporate Banker from Seattle, Washington
Book: Grease by Ron De Christoforo

Bachelor: Jean Blanc, 31, Colognoisseur from Pensacola, Florida
Book: The Perfume Collector by Kathleen Tessaro

Bachelor: Joe, 31, Grocery Store Owner from Chicago, Illinois
Book: The Aisles Have Eyes: How Retailers Track Your Shopping, Strip Your Privacy, and Define Your Power by Joseph Turrow

Bachelor: John, 28, Software Engineer from San Francisco, California
Book: Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan

Bachelor: Jordan, 26, Male Model from Crystal River, Florida
Book: Just Tell Me I’m Pretty by Heather LeRoss

Bachelor: Kamil, 30, Social Media Participant from Monroe, New York
Book: Ten Arguments For Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now by Jaron Lanier

Bachelor: Leo, 31, Stuntman from Studio City, California
Book: Jesus Was a Liberal by Scotty McLennan

Bachelor: Lincoln, 26, Account Sales Executive from Los Angeles, California
Book: Deal Maker by Lily Morton

Bachelor: Mike, 27, Sports Analyst from Cincinnati, Ohio
Book: Curlilocks and the Big Bad Hairbrush by Yolanda King

Bachelor: Nick, 27, Attorney from Orlando, Florida
Book: Dead Bodies in the Closet by Tracey Delong

Bachelor: Rickey, 27, IT Consultant from San Diego, California
Book: Bowtie Mafia by Cole Hart

Bachelor: Ryan, 26, Banjoist from Manhattan Beach, California
Book: Banjo: A Story Without a Plot by Claude McKay

Bachelor: Trent, 28, Realtor from Naples, Florida
Book: House Selling for Dummies by Eric Tyson and Ray Brown

Bachelor: Wills, 29, Graphic Designer from Los Angeles, California
Book: In the Morning I’ll Be Gone by Adrian McKinty

Do you like podcasts like This American Life, RadioLab, or Planet Money? Annotated is kinda like those, but for books. Go here to find out more, or click the image below:
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