20 of the Best Twitter Responses to “Novelists Writing About Growing Up”
Have you ever read a book set in your hometown or geographic region? If so, you have likely, at a minimum, rolled your eyes at a description or two, or, if you’re like me, you have hollered at a book out loud as though it can hear you…because maybe it can?
Well, praise the world, we are not alone. Check out these snort-inducing takes on novelists’ misguided ideas of growing up in various parts of the world.
https://twitter.com/WenzlerPowers/status/1221968768408133632
NOVELISTS WRITING ABOUT GROWING UP IN THE MIDWEST: Butter from my corn dripped onto the gingham picnic cloth like drops of sunlight
MY ACTUAL CHILDHOOD IN THE MIDWEST: the hawks left a half-eaten squirrel in the yard but it's surrounded by insane wild turkeys so I guess it stays
— a one-man murdertwunk (@adspexi) January 28, 2020
https://twitter.com/sdcinerama/status/1222269467079524353
NOVELISTS WRITING ABOUT GROWING UP IN APPALACHIA: We were so gorshdang poor, but Meemaw always found a way to keep our bellies full of squirrel pie & oxycontin
ACTUAL CHILDHOOD: My Meemaw is a nice Italian lady who bakes 1000 cookies every christmas and calls laundry a “warsher”
— yassified aloy (@singeddryad) January 28, 2020
NOVELISTS ON LIFE IN CANADA: It was a quaint life – all toques and toboggans, eating maple syrup off snow and being kind.
ACTUAL LIFE IN CANADA: It was a quaint life – all toques and toboggans, eating maple syrup off snow and being kind, and viscously mocking Americans.
— H. M. Long – Updates Only (@hannah_m_long) January 29, 2020
https://twitter.com/TymberDalton/status/1222394300912279555
https://twitter.com/Van_Sounds/status/1222308819377672192
https://twitter.com/vaginaspektor/status/1222256314941890561
https://twitter.com/MiaDonahue3/status/1222358509079203845
https://twitter.com/PanickedIdiot/status/1222337379412910080
NOVELISTS WRITING ABOUT GROWING UP IN NEW ORLEANS: She rushed out of her shotgun cottage at the sound of the Praline Woman's call, as a second-line parade approached
MY ACTUAL CHILDHOOD IN NEW ORLEANS: I saw a drunk girl on the lakefront puke up a daiquiri
— Gail Delaughter (@Gail_HPM) January 30, 2020
WRITING ABOUT THE HUNTSVILLE, AL AREA: Bubba was toothless, illiterate & wore overalls over a bare chest, but we knew he'd pound anyone who sassed him.
ACTUAL HUNTSVILLE AREA: 1/2 the ppl here are literal rocket scientists, but we still have a team called the "Trash Pandas" 😩
— Chelsea🌹🖤🔥 #EnoughIsEnough #NotMeUs (@kelz3108) January 30, 2020
https://twitter.com/genco_sofia/status/1222639650122059777
Oh, okay, okay.
NOVELISTS WRITING ABOUT MINNESOTA: Icicles glittered from the trees as the wind whipped the snow into tiny cyclones.
ACTUAL MINNESOTA: Dammit, which side of the street can I park on today? Oh, well. Best wrap this heating pad around the water pipe.
— Steven Brust, pjf (@StevenBrust) January 29, 2020
https://twitter.com/majken_aune/status/1222488678016212993
NOVELISTS WRITING ABOUT SCOTLAND: "Och aye yer a bonnie lass," Hamish said, kilt blowing in the breeze, the haunting sound of bagpipes in the distance.
MY ACTUAL CHILDHOOD: Skater kids wearing baggy jeans drinking bucky at the park. Some dude named Chris throws up in a bush.
— Alanna (@AliHeartsBooks) January 29, 2020
https://twitter.com/jenifer_tidwell/status/1222371218722041858
NOVELISTS WRITING ABOUT GROWING UP IN NYC: With Sinatra playing faintly in the background, we snuck into Yankee Stadium and saw the magic
MY ACTUAL CHILDHOOD IN NYC: The super kicked us out of the stairwell so now we're drinking on someone's stoop. It is 19°
— Bartókian Nightmare (@BartokianN) January 29, 2020
NOVELISTS WRITING ABOUT GROWING UP IN TX: Buck rode his horse across the vast West Texas plain, the scent of bluebonnets in the air, a juicy Whataburger in his hand.
MY ACTUAL CHILDHOOD IN TX: I got stung by fire ants and a truck hit a skunk in front of the house again.
— Daniel A. Wier (@Where_sMyCoffee) January 30, 2020
CT CHILDHOOD IN NOVELS: I went down to the beach at sunset and breathed in the salt tang of the air. The serenity of the shore stole over my heart.
CT CHILDHOOD IRL: bout to murder all these summer people who can't drive and vote no on the budget every goddamn year.
— Belle Chanson, Lipstick Witch, MLS (@ekp0717) January 30, 2020