Chicagoan and aspiring cryptozoologist Alice Burton has a B.A. in Comparative Literature and is an Archives Assistant with the Frances Willard Historical Society. When not booking or historying, she is singing soprano wherever people will have her. She will watch any documentary on Neanderthals or giant extinct animals, and has a Stockholm Syndrome-like love for Chicago and its winters.
Blog: Reading Rambo
Twitter: @itsalicetime
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- Rhett Butler. Ok, we all know Rhett Butler would be too busy beating a pirate queen at cards before defending his life against a horde of Mongolians in a sword fight to play Pokemon Go, but IF HE SET HIS MIND TO IT, that asshole would have every Pokemon maxed. out. AND rule his gym. Obviously. You think you’re gonna get some of those sweet gym rewards? Not while Rhett Butler’s in town with an active iPhone, my friends.
- Jane Eyre. You think Jane wouldn’t pwn all y’all at P-Go? (I don’t care if it’s not called that, it is now) You think Jane wouldn’t be walking all OVER Thornfield, checking out streams, wandering through forests, making sure Mr. Rochester knows they are not only equals, but her Snorlax will kick his Fearow’s ass any day of the week? Think again. Think. Again.
Dean Thomas. When not bickering with (his boyfriend) Seamus and talking up West Ham, Dean Thomas would be all over P-Go (not into the name yet?). He’d be getting way too close to the Whomping Willow because he saw a Jynx pop up by it, creeping the halls after hours because there were no more Pokemon showing up in the Gryffindor Common Room, and becoming furious that flying around during Quidditch practice didn’t help him hatch his eggs.
Harriet the Spy. Harriet would try to justify it by saying she was trying to understand the mind of the common man, but she would be drawing pictures of her favorite Pokemon in her journal and theorizing which would most enjoy tomato sandwiches.
Ender Wiggin. Ender would find an insane hack and beat the game in 2 days. He would rule every gym and no one would ever be able to figure out how or take his place in any of them. People would soon stop playing and realize what was most important, which was Ender’s plan all along: interspecies harmony.
Miss Frizzle. ONE FRIZZLE TO RULE THEM ALL. Miss Frizzle gets Pokemon even the GAME creators didn’t think of. The game invents them for her because she goes to so many badass places. Miss Frizzle is the Supreme Goddess of Pokemon Go and no one can tell me otherwise.
