Stephen Colbert once said, “How dare you, Hanukkah! Pretty soon school kids will think Thanksgiving started when the Wampanoags sat down with the Maccabees and the yams lasted for eight nights.”
I hear the man, I really do. I mean, what? WHAT? Hannukah on Thanksgiving?! It hasn’t happened since 1888, apparently, and it won’t happen again until we’ve colonized other planets and have built a wonderful utopian society. But that’s neither here nor there.
I’m here now to help you in your quest to celebrate Thanksgivukkah correctly (that’s what they’re calling it- I didn’t make it up). Food is easy: I’ve found recipes for Manischewitz-brined turkey, latkes with cranberry applesauce, sweet potato latkes, pumpkin kugel, and on and on and on just by googling “Thanksgivukkah.” The real tough one is of course the most important: BOOKS! Where are the Thanksgivukkah books? I haven’t found any yet, so I asked my fellow Rioters for some ideas and we came up with a list of books that SHOULD be written for and about Thanksgivukkah:
- The Turkey and the Maccabee: A Story of Oil and Grease
- 101 Thanksgivukkah Recipes (featuring answers to such questions as “Can I stuff my turkey with gefilte fish?” and “Can I spit-roast a turkey over the menorah?”)
- Gelt that Turkey Out of the Oven Already!
- Latkes and Stuffing and Yams, Oh My!
- The Eight Crazy Nights of Thanksgiving; or, Those Pilgrims Sure Knew How to Party
- Hershel and the Hannukah Gobble-Gobbles
- Jews and Turkey: Some Eat It, Some Live There, Some Just Plain Don’t Care
- Gobble, Gobble, Gobble Up that Brisket! (said the Jewish grandmother)
- How to Carve a Latke
- The Mayflower and the Maccabees
- Thanksgivukkah; or How the Judeo-Christian-retail-industrial complex Has Screwed the Jews (I mean, no Black Friday deals for us? Really? Not fair, man, not fair)
- Why Did the Turkey Spin the Dreidl? : A Book of Traditional Thanksgivukkah Jokes
- The Menorah-copia; or The Horn of Plenty of Latkes
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