In the “So You Want to Be…” series, we look at what books you need for the weirdo job of your dreams (a job that might also not exist, but we’re ignoring that part). This week: what books will you need for your exciting new career as….a Vampire Hunter.
Garlic, an Edible Biography
Right, like you’re NOT going to need to know all about garlic as you battle the forces of fanged darkness. “All I need’s my trusty stake,” you say. Well what if a vampire’s attacking you and there’s no wood around, but you know where to find some emergency garlic because you read this book. There. Life saved.
The Little Book of Whittling
Speaking of stakes, you’re going to need this book on whittling to make some of those. And with enough practice, you can carve fun shapes into the end of your stake between kills.
Transylvania (Bradt Travel Guide)
“Vampires didn’t originate in Transylvania, Alice, you’re just buying into the popularity of Dracula.” Well who’s the one here who knows enough about how to become a vampire hunter to write a very informative Book Riot post about it? Riddle me that, readers. Riddle. Me. That.
Vampires Don’t Wear Polka Dots
This book is very important. That is all.
My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag . . . and Other Things You Can’t Ask Martha
The nonjudgmental cleaning book you need when your fight with the undead gets a little out of hand and you have to return that sweater to your sister.
Slayers and Their Vampires: A Cultural History of Killing the Dead
Know Your Roots.
The Science of Vampires
I mean…does this even need explanation? Yes? Then maybe you’re not the vampire hunter I thought you were.
Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers
Corpses: You’re gonna be dealing with a lot of them.
How to Trap a Zombie, Track a Vampire, and Other Hands-On Activities for Monster Hunters
For the more youthful vampire hunter.
If any experienced vampire hunters have other suggestions for their entry-level co-workers, feel free to leave them in the comments. And here’s a discussion question to ponder: Religious symbology: worth learning or no? Found effective on vampires, or just something tacked onto their background by priests needing to give the Church some extra street cred back in the day?