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Classic Novels Rewritten as Millennial Clickbait

What if classic novels were about millennials? They could be summarized with clickbait headlines. No avocados, just classic novels as millennial clickbait.

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Kathleen Keenan

Staff Writer

Kathleen Keenan is a writer and children's book editor in Toronto. In addition to Book Riot, she has written for Reel Honey, The Billfold, and The Canadian Press. She also edits a monthly newsletter for the indie bookstore A Novel Spot. Kathleen has an MA in English with a focus on nineteenth-century fiction, and there is nothing she loves more than a very long Victorian novel. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @KathleenMKeenan or find her writing even more about books at kathleenmkeenan.com.

View All posts by Kathleen Keenan

We’ve all seen them—headlines about avocado toast, ruined industries, and microtrends from one corner of Brooklyn that the New York Times thinks are catching on everywhere. What do these things have in common? Millennials. We love food trends and ruin industries because we can’t afford to keep them afloat. But what if classic novels were written as millennial clickbait? Turns out, it is shockingly easy to distill a classic novel down to a millennial-hating headline.

Image of tea, avocado toast, and book Summer Cannibals by Melanie Hobson in Classic Novels as Millennial Clickbait | BookRiot.com

Here’s proof that I’m a millennial: I read Summer Cannibals by Melanie Hobson while eating avocado toast.

I’m a millennial, and I admit that these headlines sometimes get to me. So in the spirit of fighting back with humour, here are some classic novels as millennial clickbait.

Cover of Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte“Millennial woman, freed after years locked in attic, destroys husband’s heritage home with fire (30+ pictures inside)” (Jane Eyre)

“This man started a support group for millennials waiting for a family inheritance, but he couldn’t save himself” (Bleak House)

“Millennials aren’t letting their parents matchmake for them, and it’s hurting the wedding industry” (Pride and Prejudice)

“Is finding treasure the best path to revenge? This millennial thinks so” (The Count of Monte Cristo)

“A boat full of millennials got lost on a whale-watching trip. You’ll never guess what happened next!” (Moby-Dick)

“You won’t believe how this millennial grifter scammed his way into New York’s upper crust” (The Great Gatsby)

Cover of The Westing Game by Ellen Rankin“Millionaire to millennials: solve this riddle after I die or you’ll never own a home” (The Westing Game)

“A surprising number of millennials want to be seen as more than a stereotype, new study shows” (Invisible Man)

“Why are so many millennials refusing to avenge the deaths of their relatives?” (Hamlet)

“This millennial cut off all her hair to help her family. Her mom’s reaction will make you cry” (Little Women)

“Millennials aren’t throwing drunken feasts like their parents did, and it’s ruining this man’s business” (Beowulf)

“The hottest new millennial trend: moving to deserted islands to avoid paying rent” (Robinson Crusoe)

Cover of One Thousand and One Nights retelling by Hanan Al-Shaykh“Here’s the real reason why this millennial spent years telling stories. (It’s not what you think!)” (One Thousand and One Nights)

“This story about a mysterious millennial appearing on a family’s doorstep has a shocking twist you won’t see coming!” (Beloved)

“Why do millennials hate their husbands’ first wives? We investigate.” (Rebecca)

“After this millennial spent ten years travelling the world without his family, his son didn’t even recognize him. Watch their amazing reunion!” (The Odyssey)

 

Want more millennials? Check out our bookish responses to that “by age 35” meme, and our entire archive of millennial posts right here.