How It Feels When Your Ex Publishes a Book

An old flame of mine (and by that I mean the relationship went down in flames, nahmsayin’?) told me a while back (when I was trying to remain friendly with him, how cute was I?) that he was working on a new book. This was my outward reaction:


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But this was how I felt inside:


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I mean, why should it matter to me either way, right? I’ve moved on.


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However, I recently heard that his book actually is getting published soon.
My new internal reaction was a bit like this.


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And maybe a little bit like this:


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Now, I know I should just be cool about the whole thing.


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But I’m actually sort of dreading the book’s release.


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It’s not that I don’t wish him well.


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It’s just that I kiiinda don’t want to hear or see anything about it.


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Especially because my own writing experience is feeling a bit like this:


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Like, I don’t think I can handle it if he wins a Pulitzer or something.


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I’m sure I’ll take the high road, though. Maybe I’ll even give him a call to congratulate him.


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And we’ll get a celebratory drink.


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Because I’m not bitter! I swear!


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But…I might make myself feel better by giving his book one star on Goodreads.


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Just kidding!


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No, really, it’s aaaaall good.


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THE END

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