Riot Headline 10 Exciting Books to Read this Summer


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Lisa Sartori

Staff Writer

Lisa Sartori is a writer, cat mom, sick person, sewist, and proud aunt living in arid Southern California.

Which of these Wuthering Heights characters are you?

Which of These WUTHERING HEIGHTS Characters Are You?

Catherine Linton (née Earnshaw)

• hyperbole queen

• prefers Perrier to San Pellegrino
• Patronus is a honey badger
• doesn’t think it through


• the archetype of the mid-20s glow up
• revenge is a dish best served at every mealtime. and for snacks
• reads Mulder/Scully fanfic
• would have an impressive Evil Laugh, but hasn’t laughed in 21 years

Hindley Earnshaw

• bitter as the driest piece of raw broccoli

• has a habit of putting “cat’s in the cradle”on repeat and crying
• unlovable misanthrope
• part of The Problem

Nelly Dean

• has written to Ask A Manager at least 9 times
• will recap an entire episode of celebrity wife swap when she hears you haven’t seen it
• spends free time thinking of new ways to say “I told you so”
• bored


• claims he watches Big Brother to “observe human nature”

• lives to brunch
• WILL snoop in your medicine cabinet
• insists on holding a flashlight under his face when telling a scary story

Edgar Linton

• “the cute one” in his boy band
• *tries to put a Band-Aid on a broken window*
• is thinking about taking up stamp collecting
• takes using an inside voice very seriously

Isabella Linton

• would’ve made a good Marianne Dashwood, but woke up in the wrong novel
• pretty and witty and bright and pities any girl who isn’t her tonight
• was team Edward in her twihard phase
• cautionary tale

Catherine Linton/Heathcliff/Earnshaw

• an angry porcelain doll brought to life by a mischievous wizard
• deeply affected by READ posters
• has seen some shit
• The Power of Friendship™

Linton Heathcliff

• a gollum who never got the chance to be a smeagol
• needed antibiotics, like, yesterday
• *kicks backpack and grumbles instead of carrying it*
• most convincing smile is still a grimace

Hareton Earnshaw

• “can I sit with you guys?”
• basically a tomato of shame and rage
• digs a fine ditch
• The Power of Reading™


• bible quiz champion
• “IN MY DAY,”
• muttering or yelling, there is no in-between
• diet is 90% cabbage