Seriously, though. Anyone can be Spider-Man. That’s why he wears a mask. He could literally be anyone.
… Unless you’re Marvel and Sony. In which case, Peter Parker can only be straight, Caucasian, and male. Which is exactly what we got with the casting of Tom Holland as 16-year-old Peter Parker (and don’t get me started on how we’re getting another high-school aged Pete). He’s young, white, male, everything Peter Parker apparently should be?
Sidenote: Marvel, for the love of God, give me my late-20s-early-30s-does-not-have-his-shit-together-Peter-Parker on screen. It is all that I want in my life. Also, you know who would be good in that role? Dev Patel. Just sayin’.
Last week, another piece of the Sony Hack pie came to light: the agreement between Marvel and Sony about Spider-Man. In it they say:
So, according to the agreement, any male person can be Spider-Man, but not Peter Parker. This distinction is important. Yes, the agreement allows for Miles Morales to exist in a cinematic universe. But. Peter is still the most recognizable version of Spidey, and he’s the one they keep choosing to put into the films. With the release of Spider-Man’s next solo film, there will have been seven movies with Peter Parker as Spider-Man in less than twenty years. And it doesn’t seem like Marvel or Sony are planning to change that focus anytime soon.
What’s truly a shame is that really it’s Peter who should be able to be anyone. Spider-Man is one of Marvel’s longest running and most successful characters, and so much of that has to do with Pete and that ole’ Parker luck. We might look up to Spidey, but we relate to Peter. We know that he is usually falling apart, messing up, and generally not being good at life. That’s one of the reasons I love him so much, and one of the reasons I can see myself in him. Using jokes to deflect from serious issues? Escapism? Making bad decisions? All things we, as nerds, as readers, can relate to. Of course we want to know that we could get a Peter that looks like any one of us.
So, while we’re dreaming of things that are not to be… you know how I love a good dreamcast. So, let’s dreamcast the Spidey universe with people who won’t fit in this teeny, tiny bucket that Sony and Marvel have pulled from.
Let’s see Spider-Man and Peter Parker as:
Black and Queer
Honorable mention: Arden Cho because even though we already put her in the Nimona dreamcast, she would be an amazing P. Parker. Based on her character on Teen Wolf, I already know she can do quippy and awkward, and she’s a third degree black belt so A+ fight scenes!
Let’s talk about Gwen Stacey as:
Or say hi to MJ as:
A (kickass, strong as hell) Woman
J. Joan Jameson:
AN ALLISON JANNEY
There’s my dreamcast! Tell me who you’d want to see in your fantasy Spider-Man movie!
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