Spoilers through Season 8, Episode 2 ahead.
I am writing this post after Season 8, Episode 2 of Game of Thrones has aired. Which, I don’t know about you, but my anxiety levels are through the fucking roof in anticipation of episode 3. I’m half tempted to just treat episode 2 as the final episode, where everyone is drinking and singing and banging and getting knighted and shit. Great job, everyone! What a wonderful show. The end.
On this happy note, I’m going to sort the remaining characters (as of the time that I’m writing) into their Hogwarts Houses. Some values of each house, as per Pottermore and the texts, are listed next to the house names.
Ravenclaw: Wit, Learning, Wisdom, Intelligence, Creativity
- Sansa Stark: Sansa has learned from absolutely every single thing that has happened to her and she has so brilliantly wielded her intelligence to keep herself alive and her remaining family, and the North, safe.
- Bran Stark: I guess? He gives me the heebie jeebies.
- Tyrion Lannister: Obviously
- Melisandre: This was a hard one. She is definitely creative and the shit she knows, she REALLY knows.
- Missandei: There is a fan theory that she is a faceless man. Honestly, if she is, then that would just make her even MORE Ravenclaw.
Hufflepuff: Hard Work, Patience, Loyalty, Fair Play, Justice
- Jon Snow: Initially I was going to put him in Gryffindor, but he has such a good heart. No one but a Hufflepuff would welcome all the Wildlings through the wall. I’d argue that he gets his Hufflepuffness from Eddard Stark, a character who was also deeply loyal and just—right until his head was chopped off.
- Samwell Tarly: Obviously
- Gilly: Clearly
- Davos Seaworth: He is the epitome of loyal
- Jorah Mormont: Are he and Ser Davos the same person?
- Grey Worm: A fierce fighter, yes, but also personifies the values of hard work and patience
- Podrick Payne: Only a Hufflepuff could sing so sweetly
- Dolorous Edd: Clearly he is where Jon and Sam are.
- Beric Dondarrion: That whole Robin Hood gig he had going on is clearly a Hufflepuff trait
- Robin Arryn: Honestly, the Hufflepuffs were the only ones nice enough to take him and the Sorting Hat knew this.
- Meera Reed: Is she still alive? I think so.
Gryffindor: Courage, Bravery, Determination, Nerve, Chivalry
- Gendry: No question
- Daenerys Targaryen: I was going to put her into Slytherin but her savior complex begs for her to be in Gryffindor. I said what I said.
- Brienne of Tarth: Honestly, she’s the most chivalrous of all of them
- Sandor Clegane, aka The Hound: He’s a Gryffindor who is ashamed of it. He wanted so badly to be in Slytherin but occasionally the Gryffindor would slip out and he’d do something like save Sansa or help build a church. Yes, lots of it was self-serving, but that is not NOT a Gryffindor trait.
- Jaime Lannister: When he knighted Ser Brienne, that reinforced him firmly being in Gryffindor
- Theon Greyjoy: This one was tough. He has a bunch of Gryffindor traits but his priorities were all fucked and he got himself into a pretty awful situation.
- Bronn: Another reluctant Gryffindor. Look, I don’t make the rules.
- Lyanna Mormont: Gryffindor through and through
Slytherin: Proud, Ambitious, Cunning, Leadership, Resourceful, Shrewd
- Arya Stark: Some would say she is arrogant, but it’s been earned. She is confident and clearly cunning. She has a Slytherin’s loyalty to her own tight, dwindling circle. And she will cut a bitch. She has major Ravenclaw qualities in her veins, but her decisions make her a Slytherin.
- Varys: Definitely cunning, definitely resourceful
- Cersei Lannister: Duh
- Yara Greyjoy: Yes. Slytherin. Look at the description, then think about everything we know about Yara. It’s a perfect fit.
- Euron Greyjoy: The poster child for ambition
- Qyburn: This weird, twisted motherfucker is definitely a Slytherin. Says me. A Slytherin.