The Oath of Literary Allegiance

What if, in order to become a citizen of the great nation of literature, you had to take an Oath of Allegiance — just like when you want to gain citizenship to, say, the United States? I think an Oath of Literary Allegiance would look a little something like this:

I hereby declare, on oath, that

I absolutely and entirely

renounce and abjure

all allegiance and fidelity

to any television program, movie franchise, video game, or website

of which I have heretofore been a fan or fanatic

that I will support and defend

the libraries and indie bookstores of the world

against all enemies, Amazon or otherwise

that I will read in my spare time and sometimes when I should be working

that I will bear anger against those who write in library books or fail to pay their fines

that I will perform critical analysis and petitioning against those who seek to ban books

that I will perform works of generous-hearted criticism when called upon by the internet

and that I take this obligation freely

without any mental reservation

or purpose of evasion.

So help me, Toni Morrison.