Mildly Annoying Things that Happen to Readers
I’m a reader; you’re a reader. And as people with mutual passions, I assume we share the same problems as well—problems like…
- Misplacing every bookmark you own until you are forced to sever your own limb to use as one.
- Accidentally folding the cover of your book and immediately feeling the collective disappointment of your ancestors.
- The ghosts of your ancestors reading over your shoulder just when you get to a steamy scene.
- Mixing up character names.
- Remembering character names but forgetting the names of your own family.
- Reading the same paragraph five times, still not understanding anything and wondering if you even know how to read at all.
- Reading a spoiler on the Internet and trying to forget everything, including your ex.
- Hearing a person tell you the ending of the book you’re reading and having to wash their blood off your favorite shirt.
- Going into a bookstore with no money and going out of the bookstore with new books and a new owner of your house.
- Having no house to read in.
- Having your reading interrup—
- Being distracted from your reading by anything from a flying bug to an alien invasion.
- Coming out of your room after hours (days?) of reading and realizing you’re not in Kansas anymore.
- Your favorite character dying. Again.
- Reading a negative review of your favorite book and having to explain to the police that what the neighbors heard was just you screaming at your laptop.
- Having your laptop scream back.
- Waiting for the next installment of your favorite series while the author types away on his ancient typewriter, two fingers at a time.
- Your favorite author writing only 2 ½ books in a lifetime.
- Your favorite author writing 2 1/2 books in a year while you struggle to keep up.
- Lending a book to an actual monster who breaks spines and folds pages instead of using bookmarks liKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING.
- Struggling to keep your face expressionless while reading a really cute scene in public and succeeding only in looking constipated.
- Reading a really steamy or really violent scene with a straight face while a stranger reads over your shoulder, horrified
- Running out of bookshelf space and having to start storing books in the fridge.
- Running out of fridge space and having to just stack books everywhere.
- Basically just having your house invaded by books … which is not a problem at all, now that I think about it.
- Being stuck in the same house for 200 years because moving your books is too much trouble.
- Having a TBR list longer than your life.via GIPHY
- Dying before finishing a great book.
- Having to come back as a zombie to finish just one more chapter.
- Being caught smelling your brand new book and having to pretend you’re blowing dust away from it.
- Struggling to finish a book you’re not into because your momma raised no quitter.
- Trying, and failing, to read in the car without throwing your intestines up.
- Planning to re-arrange your bookshelves and ending up just adding more books to them.
- Relating to everything, or almost everything, in this list and wondering what your life has become.
