Spoilers, it is rumored, are unkind.
There are a few ways to avoid them: begging. Isolating yourself from general company until you’ve had a chance to read the book, or watch the movie, on your own. Only engaging people who delight in delivering fake spoilers (Luke Skywalker morphs into a porg, flies into space, and defeats Khan to discover that the truth has always been 42.).
Or you can opt to head spoilers off, beating them back with the full force of the literati—by changing the subject immediately to books.
If you still haven’t seen The Last Jedi and are doing all that you can to avoid reveals, here are ten deflections to get you started.
- “Can you believe that Rey’s parents were—“ “John Willoughby and Beth?!”
- “Of all the people who might go over to the Dark Side, I never expected—“ “Beloved lawyer and father Atticus Finch to?!”
- “From his backstory, you find out that Kylo Ren chose the Dark Side because–“ “He discovered he was a half-blood and Slytherin’s heir?!”
- “Really, the only way to unseat Snoke was by—“ “Throwing the One Ring into the fires of Mordor?!”
- “It was so cool and unexpected that Holdo—“ “walked right up to a dinosaur on Isla Nublar like it was nothing?!”
- “I can’t believe that Poe had the audacity to—“ “decide he was done with all of the phonies and run away from school and home?!”
- “I really did not expect a love story between Finn and—“ “Annie Cresta?!”
- “They go to Canto Bight looking for a specific hacker, but end up leaving with—“ “Vesper Lynd instead?!”
- “In the end, Luke Skywalker—“ “kisses Govinda and achieves enlightenment?!”
- “Leia floats into space, but—“ “she’s pulled down onto a strange beach, where she meets up with an alien who spouts wisdom and looks suspiciously like her father?!”
Happy viewing on your own time and terms, and may the force be with you.