Finding relationship advice books that cover the needs of LGBTQ readers can be a challenge. Just as fiction books about queer people can help readers feel less alone, relationship books that are mindful of and offer advice specific to queer readers can provide greater understanding that actually applies to what they are going through.
These eight relationship books all recognize and provide advice specific to the needs of LGBTQ readers. While the subject of all books included here is adult queer relationships, specific focuses vary. Some discuss and share resources on sex and intimacy, others on dating and casual relationships, some on building and maintaining friendships with other queer people, and others still on long-term queerplatonic or romantic relationships. I’ve also included a few queer-friendly general relationship advice books for readers looking for something that covers a variety of topics rather than one specific thing.
What I haven’t included are any family and parenting books for queer couples to avoid overlap between a round-up I wrote earlier this year on The Best LGBTQ Parenting and Pregnancy Books. But if that topic is of interest to you, be sure to check that resource out as well! You’ll find all kinds of book recs for family-building and fertility written with LGBTQ parents in mind.
The Ex-Girlfriend of my Ex-Girlfriend is my Girlfriend by Maddy Court
Columnist and zine writer Maddy Court answers a variety of relationship-specific questions sent in by queer women and people of marginalized genders. In addition to Court’s advice are guest articles by authors including Samantha Irby, Tyler Ford, and Lola Pellegrino.
Men’s health writer and creator of the #BiMenExist campaign, Vaneet Mehta, shares guidance on dating and relationships specific to bisexual, pansexual, and m-spec men. He also challenges the stereotyping and ignorance often directed at men who are attracted to multiple genders, both in and outside of LGBTQ spaces. It’s a useful book for m-spec men who seek advice as well as those dating or married to m-spec men who want to better understand the issues their partner might face.
Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, PhD
Educator and researcher Dr. Emily Nagoski explores the science and psychology of women’s sexuality with advice for finding a greater sense of pleasure and fulfillment. While the primary focus of this book is sex and intimacy for cisgender women, Dr. Nagoski is mindful of and makes space for transmasculine, nonbinary, and intersex readers for whom this book might be helpful. She also includes examples and advice specific to queer women.
A follow-up book, Come Together: The Science (And Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections, is coming out in January 2024. The focus here is sex and intimacy in long-term relationships, with advice on overcoming obstacles to enjoyment and busting myths about what “good sex” means.
Hopeless Aromantic: An Affirmative Guide to Aromanticism by Samantha Rendle
Mental health writer Samantha Rendle offers a guide to aromanticism for those who identify as aromantic or are questioning. Topics include an exploration of aromantic identity, advice for forming and nurturing queerplatonic relationships, and personal essays by aromantic contributors.
This Is Supposed To Be Fun by Myisha Battle
It’s easy to put a lot of pressure into dating and forget that, ultimately, it should be something that brings you joy. Sex and dating coach Myisha Battle offers advice on finding fulfillment in your romantic life, whether you’re looking for a long-term relationship or dating casually.
Trans Sex: A Guide for Adults by Kelvin Sparks
Sex educator Kelvin Sparks answers common questions that transgender and nonbinary people, as well as their partners, may have—with guidance on a variety of topics from navigating transition-related changes to intimacy and desire, having safe sex, and exploring barriers to enjoyment many trans people face.
Journalist Angela Chen explores asexuality through research, interviews, and her own experiences as an ace person. She challenges social norms around sexuality and desire and the ways an asexual person’s sense of identity and relationship needs are often dismissed by allosexual people.
More Than Words: The Science of Deepening Love and Connection in Any Relationship by John Howard, LMFT
Intimacy and emotional connection are the focus of this book by therapist John Howard. Howard is mindful and inclusive of LGBTQ and polyamorous readers in the advice he provides, with research-based guidance on deepening the love and care a partner needs.
Looking for more LGBTQ book recs? Check out The Best Queer Books from Every Decade: 1970-2020s!