If Heavy Metal Lyrics Were Book Blurbs

Greg Zimmerman

Staff Writer

Greg Zimmerman blogs about contemporary literary fiction at The New Dork Review of Books and holds down a full-time gig as a trade magazine editor. Follow him on Twitter: @NewDorkReview.

Bust out your devil’s horns and prepare to shred! Normally, there isn’t too much overlap between books and ball-busting, face-melting metal, but if you’re a fan of both (like I am), today’s your lucky day! These lyrics-as-book blurbs will get you headbangin’ with the best of ’em. (Song links are to Spotify, when available, should you have the urge to ROCK!)

Fifty Shades of Grey, by E.L. James

You’re making us….whooooaaaaaa….f$@cking HOSTILE!

Pantera, F$@cking Hostile

Or, if you prefer:

Drain you of your sanity / Face the thing that should not be

Metallica, The Thing That Should Not Be


The Last Werewolf, by Glen Duncan

Howling in shadows / Living in a lunar spell
He finds his heaven / Spewing from the mouth of hell

Ozzy Osbourne, Bark at the Moon


Gone Girl, by Gillian Flynn

And you’ve broken the notion of trust / Cause you’re lying and denying
Justifying all the actions you take / It’s pathetic and poetic 

Caught in the web of your self-serving plan.
Don’t force my hand when my eyes are wide open.

Staind, Eyes Wide Open


State of Wonder, by Ann Patchett

Welcome to the jungle it gets worse here every day
Ya learn to live like an animal in the jungle where we play

Guns N’ Roses, Welcome to the Jungle


Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole

Don’t tell me how to do my job / There’s the door, your name’s on the knob
You’re always in the way, like a beast on my back / Were you dropped as a baby, cause brains you lack

Anthrax, Caught In a Mosh


On The Roadby Jack Kerouac

And the road becomes my bride / I have stripped of all but pride
So in her I do confide / And she keeps me satisfied

Metallica, Wherever I May Roam


The Time Traveler’s Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger

All the pain in this world won’t stop us now / For we have each other
All the hate in this world can’t tear us apart / This love is forever

Trivium, This World Can’t Tear Us Apart


Lamb, by Christopher Moore

If I worship the ground that he walks on / And it winds up that he has two left feet
Will he be walking on water? / ‘Cause, you should know, we never liked to get our feet wet

Fair To Midland, Musical Chairs


The Revised Fundamentals of Caregiving, by Jonathan Evison

I want you to lead me / Take me somewhere / Don’t want to live in a dream one more day

In Flames, Come Clarity


Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk

Hello me, it’s me again / You can subdue, but never tame me
It gives me a migraine headache / Thinking down to your level

Megadeth, Sweating Bullets