The world is full of wonderful books. It’s also full of books that make me wonder if humanity has lost its grip on reality. Here are thirty hilarious book titles that make me wonder what exactly the authors were thinking when they wrote them.
Reusing Old Graves by Douglas Davies & Alastair Shaw
Waste not, want not.
Castration: The Advantages and Disadvantages by Victor T. Cheney
I would really like to know what he thinks the advantages are.
How to Raise Your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children by Lewis Burke Frumkes
The alternative way to ensure you get into MENSA.
Eating Children: Population Control & the Food Crisis by Dr. J. Swift
SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!
Old Tractors and the Men Who Love Them by Roger Welsch
I don’t want to know.
Everything I know About Women I Learned from My Tractor by Roger Welsch
And people wondered why Roger never got married.
How to Succeed in Business without a Penis by Karen Salmansohn
For all the poor, penisless men out there…because I sincerely hope this is not about women.
The Beginner’s Guide to Sex in the Afterlife by David Staume
Or, Copulation for Ghosts: Tips & Tricks for Your Best Energygasm!
Images You Should Not Masturbate To by Graham Johnson & Rob Hibbert
I do what I want.
Pole Dancing to Gospel Hymns by Andrea Gibson
So that’s what they do during the evening service…
Fancy Coffins to Make Yourself by Dale Power
Nothing says “I love you” like a handmade card…or coffin.
Oral Sadism and the Vegetarian Personality, Edited by Glenn C. Ellenbogel, Ph.D.
Never trust a vegetarian. They feed on lettuce and pain.
Learning to Play with a Lion’s Testicles: Unexpected Gifts from the Animals of Africa by Melissa Haynes
Melissa was up to some shenanigans on her safari vacation.
Corpses Say the Darndest Things by Doug Lamoreux
The worst thing about this title is that “darnedest” is spelled wrong.
He Died with a Felafel in His Hand by John Birmingham
That’s not a bad way to go out.
Nostradamus Ate My Hamster by Robert Rankin
Of all the possible ways to lose a pet, this is not one I was prepared for.
What’s Your Poo Telling You? by Josh Richman and Anish Sheth, M.D.
And there’s an activity book to go with it.
The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification by Julian Montague
I’ve always dreamed of seeing one in the wild.
Funny, I always thought it was just like divorcing any other person, but maybe I was wrong.
The Joy of Uncircumcising! by Jim Bigelow, Ph.D.
I’m genuinely curious–exactly how does one go about uncircumcising? That seems like it would be a difficult thing to do.
The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories by Alisa Surkis
I always felt like something was missing from my life. Now I know what it is.
Anybody Can be Cool…But Awesome Takes Practice by Lorraine Peterson
Clearly, the guy on the cover with the nineties hair has mastered the art of awesome.
If God Loves Me, Why Can’t I Get My Locker Open? by Lorraine Peterson
I never asked this question when I was a kid. I did, however, ask, “If God loves me, why does the kid with the locker above mine keep hitting me in the head with his locker door?”
Excrement in the Late Middle Ages by S. Morrison
This reminds me of that scratch n’ sniff book I read in the fifth grade that featured a section on medieval plumbing. NEVER AGAIN.
Truth, Dare, or Handcuffs or Threeway by Jade James
So many options! How will I ever choose?
Better Never to Have Been: The Harm of Coming into Existence by David Benatar
Somebody’s having a bad year.
I Was Tortured by the Pygmy Love Queen by Jasper McCutcheon
Pics or it didn’t happen.
Living with Crazy Buttocks by Kaz Cooke
It’s a challenge, I know.
How People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It by Gary Leon Hill
Who you gonna call?
Down Home Gynecology by Dr. Marvin Jaffee & Mary Sue Jaffee
My down home is just fine, thanks.