Humor

Fifty Shades of Grey Musical? Here, Let Me Help You.

Patricia Elzie-Tuttle

Contributing Editor

Patricia Elzie-Tuttle is a writer, podcaster, librarian, and information fanatic who appreciates potatoes in every single one of their beautiful iterations. Patricia earned a B.A. in Creative Writing and Musical Theatre from the University of Southern California and an MLIS from San Jose State University. Her weekly newsletter, Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice, offers self-improvement and mental health advice, essays, and resources that pull from her experience as a queer, Black, & Filipina person existing in the world. More of her written work can also be found in Body Talk: 37 Voices Explore Our Radical Anatomy edited by Kelly Jensen, and, if you’re feeling spicy, in Best Women’s Erotica of the Year, Volume 4 edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. Patricia has been a Book Riot contributor since 2016 and is currently co-host of the All the Books! podcast and one of the weekly writers of the Read This Book newsletter. She lives in Oakland, CA on unceded Ohlone land with her wife and a positively alarming amount of books. Find her on her website, Twitter, Instagram, Bluesky, and LinkTree.

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The Bookseller recently posted that E. L. James is in talks with theatre producers to make a Fifty Shades of Grey musical. Making a musical is no small feat, so I came up with some potential song titles in order to give them inspiration. Note that some song titles didn’t even need to be changed from their appearance in already well-established shows. Also, in case you are a newcomer to musical theatre you should know that any song with the word “dance” in the title is really about having sex. Seriously. Just replace “dance” with any word for having sex and tada, you get straight to the subtext. The genius Mr. Stephen Sondheim refers to this in his wonderful song, Can That Boy Foxtrot. Enjoy!

  1. La Vie BDSM
  2. Anything Goes
  3. The Sound of Spanking
  4. Oh What a Beautiful Moaning
  5. Please Cry For Me Anastasia
  6. I Could Have Screwed All Night
  7. Shall We Boink?
  8. My Lord and Master
  9. Everyone’s a Little Bit Kinky
  10. I Screamed a Scream
  11. There are Worse Things I Could Do
  12. What is This Feeling?
  13. There’s No Goddess Like Your Inner Goddess
  14. Shagtime
  15. I’m Still Hurting
  16. All That Jizz
  17. Satisfied
  18. Christian Has His Eyes on You
  19. The Room Where it Happens
  20. SuperawkwardmasochisticcrappyboundariesAna

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