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Dreamcasting SEX CRIMINALS: The Quiet in Your Living Room

Jessica Plummer

Contributing Editor

Jessica Plummer has lived her whole life in New York City, but she prefers to think of it as Metropolis. Her day job is in books, her side hustle is in books, and she writes books on the side (including a short story in Sword Stone Table from Vintage). She loves running, knitting, and thinking about superheroes, and knows an unnecessary amount of things about Donald Duck. Follow her on Twitter at @jess_plummer.

We here at Panels are taking some much needed time off; in the meantime, we’re revisiting some favorite old posts from the last 6 months! We’ll see you back on July 8 with all new posts for your enjoyment.

This post originally ran on March 4, 2015.

By now you’ve probably heard that Matt Fraction and Kelly Sue DeConnick, along with various co-creators, have inked a deal with Universal TV to adapt some of their comics properties for television. First on the slate is Sex Criminals, Fraction and artist Chip Zdarsky’s Eisner- and Harvey-Award-winning comic from Image, about a couple who can stop time when they orgasm, and use that power to rob banks (for a good cause!). We at Panels HQ are totally stoked, and would like to offer you some dreamcasting suggestions. You know, like we do.


sex criminals suzie

One half of our lead couple, Suzie is smart, compassionate, and willing to do just about anything to save her library. Emma Stone is great at comedy and goofy-facing her way into your heart. And can you imagine how hard she would rock the “Fat Bottomed Girls” scene? All the hard, guys. All the hard.

sex criminals emma stone


sex criminals jon

The other half of our stars is a hot mess – emphasis on both “hot” and “mess” – who’s mad as heck and not gonna take it anymore. Josh Peck is best known for his comedy, but made waves with his dramatic chops in The Wackness a few years back. He’d do a great job balancing Jon’s witty charm with a bottomless pit of self-loathing and neuroses. I’m… pretty sure that was a compliment.

Cast member Josh Peck  poses for a portrait in Los Angeles


sex criminals kegelface

Our heroes’ nemesis. Who is she? What is her deal? It’s a mystery. But hey, you know who’s great at wearing crazy outfits and looking like she takes no crap? Jenny from the block, that’s who.

sex criminals jennifer lopez


sex criminals rachel

Anna Kendrick is my dream best friend, and yours too. Why not have her play Suzie’s?

sex criminals anna kendrick

Robert Rainbow

No, Robert Rainbow. You're perfect.

No, Robert Rainbow. You’re perfect.

Jesse Williams might actually be the most beautiful person on the planet, which makes him the perfect choice for Suzie’s unsettlingly gorgeous gynecologist (and Jon’s childhood friend).

sex criminals jesse williams

Jazmine St. Cocaine

sex criminals jazmine

The porn star of Jon’s adolescent dreams is clearly the role of a lifetime for Marissa Tomei. I mean, after all those Oscars and stuff.

sex criminals marissa tomei

What do you guys think? Who would you like to see sexing and criming on the teevee? (Keep it (relatively) clean in the comments, brimpers!)


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