
Constantine 01×08: The Saint of Last Resorts
Dave: We open on a beautiful convent in Mexico. A woman has just given birth; her husband is holding the baby. A nun named Anne Marie comes in to bring some candy to the woman. Everything is joyous, though comics fans know that Anne Marie is a character with roots in both the Swamp Thing series and the Newcastle incident in Hellblazer, so we’re already curious. Jay: I have to say, everything else aside, some of these scenes looked great. It’s a well-lit show. Spooky goings on. More effective horror techniques. And how effective was that brief shot of the creepy hands hovering over the baby? This is confident stuff. Dave: Agreed — they’ve settled into a look and feel that uses special effects wisely, while focusing more on atmosphere. Meanwhile, at the Hogwarts Bunker, Zed is drawing sketches of a biblical nature. She draws an Invunche, which is a creature we first saw way back when John Constantine was introduced in Swamp Thing. They’re definitely hitting the source books hard already on this episode. Jay: Good catch, I’d forgotten that. I like this scene with John and Zed. They’re just hanging out, the plot takes a pause for a couple minutes and we see them being people. Dave: Next, Anne Marie appears at Hogwarts using “bilocation” — some kind of astral projection — to ask for John to help. Jay: Aleister Crowley claimed to be able to do this. More relevant to the episode, though, is that a number of saints were said to have done it. Dave: Immediately we understand that Anne Marie and John share a past, and Anne Marie would not call John unless she absolutely had to — because he owes her. I like that John isn’t a friend you call when you’re in need. He’s someone you only go to if you have no other option and you’ve got a marker to call in. He’s the titular “saint of last resorts.” And I also like when they cut back to Anne Marie in the convent, coming out of her trance, there’s a lovely photo of young Anne-Marie and punk John. Jay: Another nice Zed moment, “you’re not taking the Spanish speaker?” Looks like you were right last week. Dave: Heh… I’m glad they addressed it head-on. This is already way better than “she’s at art class.” This way she feels a natural part of the show, even if she’s not going on the adventure with John. Jay: I’m a big big fan of Ryan’s take at this point. If this show gets cancelled, maybe he’d wanna play Eoin Miller? Just a suggestion, like. Dave: Save your cheap shilling for another Panels post, Jay. Although you’re lucky he’s too young to play Doctor Xander Crowe, or we might have to have a knife fight. Jay: It’s on. Speaking of knives, we seem to be running without artifacts so far this week. Dave: I’m sure they’re coming. The clawed creature, wearing a hooded cloak, brings the baby into some kind of dungeon and puts the baby in a cage. And then we’re off the Mexico City! John and Chas make it to the convent, John learns that Anne Marie is a nun. The two share a tense exchange: “What happened to Astra didn’t change you at all.” Again, this is the stuff I’m really enjoying — it’s John painted through eyes of those who have a past with him. Meanwhile… is this maybe an actual Zed subplot? Jay: Oooof was I the only one thinking The Omen in that brief scene with Zed? Dave: I was thinking more of House with William Katt. I like that the house is becoming a bit of a character. While I think it can be a little cutesy at times, I do like the idea that “home” isn’t exactly a safe house. If you’re going to use it — this is how I’d probably do it. Dave: So, John casts some runes — Jay: ARTIFACTS! I’M CALLING ARTIFACTS! Dave: …sigh… ahem, to determine what took the baby, and he realizes — ARTIFACT COUNT: 1 Dave: Okay, okay… anyway, the entity is powerful enough that the baby might still be alive — to be used for something. They need a connection to the child, so they decide to dig up the placenta. That’s gotta be a first for television, right? Jay: I’m pretty sure I saw that once on Quincy. It was how he rolled. I like the scene on the way over, with John and Annie in the truck. They’re setting up nicely that John was a nasty arrogant piece of work back in the day. I hope they keep it that way, and don’t roll back on it and make out it was a misunderstanding, or that he was trying to do the right thing. Just keep it as is. Dave: I like that she calls out that the problem isn’t magic or monsters or even infidelity. It’s John’s ego. The idea that he uses everyone for his own agenda. So they dig under the placenta tree, which is at Hugo’s house — he’s the baby’s father, who is also a cop. John realizes something has happened. He plucks what looks like a pear from the tree, and it’s covered in human skin. He cuts it, and it bleeds red, which in turn makes the tree bleed. Jay: Wonderful scene with the tree. Wonderful. It would have been a hammy mess in the first few episodes, but they play it right this time. Dave: Again, it’s something I’ve not seen on any of these supernatural TV shows. American TV shows like this often use supernatural elements as a part of the action (we’re fighting a werewolf! We need silver bullets!) or as part of the mystery procedural (it’s a ghost — we need to understand what it wants!), but I think it’s fairly rare to revel in sinister, horrifying ideas like a tree of human fruit. That’s stuff that evokes Alan Moore’s “sophisticated suspense” in Swamp Thing — or something you might find in a horror novel. Jay: It feels a bit Clive Barker-ish, in a good way. Dave: Ooh, good call. Now we know who is behind the baby snatching. One of the biblical sisters of Eve — one of those who rejected Adam. Jay: Eve’s sisters, I like that. And Annie’s reaction, pulling John up on his arrogance, niiiiice. Dave: And then find out another baby has been taken. Meanwhile, Zed’s subplot continues. Jay: So the ONE THING John told Zed was not to leave Hogwarts. What’s the ONE THING she’s done? Horror Cliché School 101. But you know, I buy it with these characters. Specifically I buy it with characters involved with John, because nobody trusts him, so they might not always listen to what he says. Dave: She’s shopping for art supplies. I guess that need to draw overrules John’s guidelines? She runs into the art-class model who is secretly a pawn of someone else. I guess he trolls art supplies stores looking for Zed? They go for drinks, she touches him, and gets a weird vision of a white room with a vault door. She offers that they have the next drink back her place, which I liked. I figured, “she’s going to use the house to mess with this dude!” Meanwhile, back at the convent, we learn that missing baby #2 is actually the child of Hugo’s teenage son. The two babies are from the same bloodline. Jay: Oh jeez-o another Gypsy reference? Why? Why? Why? It’s not needed. Dave: We were doing so well, too. But the line is quickly dismissed as John decides to go to a fountain to summon the goddess in question using his bowl and some worms, while Chas tries to smooth things over with Sister Anne Marie. Jay: Nice scene from Chas? Did I miss a meeting where we’re letting him be a character now? Dave: I think he’s slowly becoming the one guy who understands John’s motivations — in a sea of haters. Which is a start. I’d still like to understand Chas as his own man a bit. Jay: Chekhov’s nun turns up just as John is casting a spell to reveal who is behind the baby-snatching.