Are you a good pooper? I’m not a good pooper. Don’t worry, I’m not going to give you more details—I’m not Samantha Irby (unfortunately). Instead, I’m going to give you a list of books that’ll help get you pooping right. At least, I hope they will. I don’t know—we’ve been over this!
Editor’s Note: This is not an endorsement of books that claim to cure medical issues or offer medical advice.
How to Poo on a Date by Mats & Enzo
Self-appointed poo experts Mats & Enzo actually have a whole pile of poo-related books. They’re happy to tell you how to poo on holiday (that’s fancy/European for vacation), in the woods, at work, and, most importantly, how to poo on a date. Despite the title, this is not an instruction manual, it’s an illustrated guide on how to handle a variety of situations that come up when you’re pooing while wooing. The earnest poo diagrams are worth the price of admission on this one.
What Your Poo Says About You by Dr. Alison Chen, ND
Dr. Alison is here for the deep dive into what your poop is trying to tell you. What might seem like an inconvenience could potentially be a much more serious issue. This sweet guide is not meant to terrify you (these are!) but rather to gently inform. While the book was written and illustrated to be kid-friendly, it is great for folks of all ages.
101 Facts and Jokes about Poop: Stinky Facts, Jokes, Comics and Cartoons about Poop by Michael MaMoo
If you want every poop fact to be “backed up a certified funny comic, cartoon, random thought or bonus fact,” then this is the poop book for you! You’ll learn about the “nearly endless” uses for poop, basic and advanced poop facts, and how to poop like a pro. You’ll even read the harrowing tale of how Peter Freuchen dug himself to safety with nothing but his own frozen poo.
Listen, Mr. Koski wants you to take action TODAY! He’s purportedly going to show you (I hope he means tell you?) how to have a healthy bowel movement, how to prevent BM problems in the future, and what “proven” natural methods can treat poop probs. Though, if your copy of this comes with an in-home demo, let me know, I missed out.
Poop Log: Bowel Movement Health Tracker, Daily Record & Track, Journal, Food Intake Diary Notebook, Poo Logbook, Bristol Stool Chart, Book by Amy Newton
Tracking your poops is an important part of understanding what’s working (and not working) behind the scenes. This handy log provides a single place for you to note all your poops, including how frequently you went, the consistency, and where it fell on the Bristol Chart.
Help Going Poop by Inci Jones
Thanks for the straightforward title, Inci! This book not only covers the basics of what is considered “normal” poop, but it has detailed chapters for a variety of very specific issues. From period constipation to pooping during chemotherapy, this tome is definitely targeting all poop-related issues.
Definite Cure of Chronic Constipation by Prof. Arnold Ehret
I don’t know anything about this book except that this guy looks VERY SERIOUS about life, and I assume he is very serious about helping you poop, too. One reviewer even said she’s “given at least 20 copies to friends,” and I would like to get the details on their reactions when receiving unsolicited gifts about curing constipation.
Digestive Wellness: Strengthen the Immune System and Prevent Disease Through Healthy Digestion by Dr. Elizabeth Lipski
This manual of digestive health is in its fifth edition. Dr. Lipski has an intimidating number of initials after her name (PhD, CNS, FACN, IFMP, BCHN, LD) and is a Professor and the Director of the Academic Development for the Nutrition programs in Clinical Nutrition at Maryland University of Integrative Health. Damn, I’m so impressed I don’t even have a shitty joke for this one.
Perfect Digestion: The Key to Balanced Living by Dr. Deepak Chopra
Dr. Chopra went all the way in, with general details for all of us, along with more specific information for folks with ailments. I can’t speak to his claim of perfecting your digestion, but if you want to know what Ayurvedic medicine has to say about it, here you go.
Essential Gut & Hormone Wellness: Finding Balance Naturally by Teri A. Ringham
If you don’t want to read four chapters about how essential oils can cure your gut ailments, then you’ll need to skip this book. On the other hand, if you have been looking to buy a book with a onesie-wearing person on the front, bonus!