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An Author’s Search History, Or: How To Look Like A Murder Suspect Without Even Trying

K.W. Colyard


Kristian Wilson Colyard grew up weird in a one-caution-light town in the Appalachian foothills. She now lives in an old textile city with her husband and their clowder of cats. She’s on Twitter @kristianwriting, and you can find more of her work online at

My best friend and I have a deal: whichever one of us outlives the other deletes the recently deceased’s search history. No questions asked — except, I guess, by ouija board. We’re both writers, and when we talk about an author’s search history, we mean something…a little bit different from your average, everyday perversity.

As a millennial, I grew up when the internet was wild and untamed. My generation were there when all the grossest memes were born and we lived to tell the tale. (Put simply, it takes a lot to scare us.) Those of you who were there might be thinking, But what could be worse to have in your search history than “2 girls 1 cup” or — God forbid — “1 man 1 jar”?

Well, buddy, I’m so glad you asked.

As fiction writers, we need to know things. Horrible things. Things like: What do dead bodies look like? Would X, Y, and Z kill a man (and how quickly)? What happens if a monarch gets assassinated 100+ years after a certain archduke? What did embalming smell like in the 16th century? OK, that last one’s just kind of weird, but you see where I’m going with this.

So, for your reading enjoyment, here’s an author’s search history, or: how to look like a murder suspect without even trying?

image of a half-open laptop.

An Author’s Search History, Or: How To Look Like A Murder Suspect Without Even Trying

writing prompts

novel writing prompts

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how to write erotica

how to sell erotica on kindle

how much money do erotica authors make

SFF novel writing prompts

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murder mysteries set in space

how long to die in space

how long can you live without oxygen

how long to strangle someone

most effective strangulation methods

stab wounds

fatal stab wounds

what does twisting the knife do

why does Google say I have unusual traffic

what happens when you get stabbed

what does getting stabbed feel like

where to stab for quick death

where to stab for slow death

Christopher Lee stabbing scene

stab wounds in low pressure environment

stab wounds in high pressure environment

is the ISS low pressure or high pressure

would blood ruin spacecraft equipment

how far does blood travel in low gravity

difference between low gravity and freefall

undetectable ways to kill

what happens if you die in space

who prosecutes murders in space

best murder defenses

strangest murder defenses

famous unsolved homicides

Jack the Ripper in space

locked room murders

people who have died in space

space corpses

petechial hemorrhaging strangulation

petechial hemorrhaging low gravity

post mortem blood pooling examples

post mortem blood pooling in space

Body Farm pictures

where to hide a body on the ISS

stop unusual traffic error Google

hide a body best methods

lake in Yellowstone that dissolves people

planets with sulfuric acid

rain on Venus

how long for sulfuric acid to dissolve body

how much sulfuric acid to dissolve body

sulfuric acid murders

John George Haigh

killing someone with sulfuric acid

how to make sulfuric acid

where to buy sulfur

sulfur mining

Devil’s Gold

sulfur mining on other planets

what does sulfuric acid smell like

what is a choking odor

phosgene gas planet

phosphine on Venus

books set on Venus

colonizing Venus

avoid Google unusual traffic warning

how long to die sulfuric acid

sulfuric acid in low pressure environment

dangerous chemicals aboard ISS

chemical leak ISS

faking death by chemical leak

deadly chemicals with no odor

deadly chemicals no odor no trace autopsy

standard autopsy procedure

murders that didn’t show up in autopsy

does the air bubble between the toes really work

how long to write a novel

how to write a good mystery novel

how long do mystery writers take to write their books

how to hide traffic from Google

when can writers quit their day jobs

six-figure book deals

how book deals pay out

jobs in my area

If you don’t know what these mean, be happy, and Google at your own risk.

Want more writer humor? Check out M. Lynx Qualey’s list of the best “Hi, I’m a Writer in a Movie” memes and Alysia Stevenson’s essay on the five phases of writer’s block.