Ladies, He Is a Literary Persona
Twitter is on fire with the newest meme on the block, and we present to you the choicest of bookish funnies.
Ladies, if he
- never replies to your texts
- writes mediocre pose
He is not your partner. He is a white man from literature.
ladies, if he:
• expects you to clean the house
• is trying to rush you into marriage
• dreams of being an actor
• has a tattoo of an eye on his ankle
• wants the immense fortune left behind by your dead parentshe’s not your man. he’s famed conman & murderer count olaf.
— viking (@notviking) November 25, 2018
Ladies, if he:
– Never calls.
– Never texts you back.
– Is two trunkless legs on a pedestal near a shattered visage half-sunk in the sand, beside which nothing else remains,he is not your man. He is Ozymandias, king of kings. Look upon his works, ye mighty, and despair.
— Alexandra Erin (@AlexandraErin) November 26, 2018
Ladies, if he:
-won’t tell you his name or show his face
-gets angry when you don’t sing enough
-is petty + jealous when you sing for other ppl
-uses your Daddy issues against you
-always has box seatsHe’s not your man, he’s the Phantom of the Opera
— Tara Sonin (@TalkativeTara) November 25, 2018
Ladies, this is just to say if he:
– ignores your texts
– doesn't follow you on social media
– is delicious
– can be sweet
– but also so coldHe's not your man, he's the plums in the icebox you were probably saving.
— Basic Literary Woman (@BasicLitWoman) November 24, 2018
Ladies if he:
– Takes a sudden interest in your younger sister
– Joins the militia just for the uniform so he can fuckboi around town
-Talks shit about everyone to you
– Keeps trying to get you on a vacay to Gretna GreenHe’s not your man. He’s Jane Austen’s George Wickham. -R
— Drunk Austen 🍹📚 (@Drunk_Austen) November 24, 2018
https://twitter.com/JuliaFtacek/status/1066056305553608704?s=20
https://twitter.com/alliembooks/status/1066591209265582080?s=20
Ladies, if he:
-was kicked out of uni
-was married before you
-set part of his house on fire as a kid
-frequently goes missing in the woods and forgets who he isHe’s not your man. He’s esteemed atheist poet, Percy Bysshe Shelley
— Poppy (@0pxj0) November 24, 2018
Ladies, if he:
– sends you risky/filthy dms
– writes stuff that makes no fucking sense
– wears fuckboy round specs
– wanders the streets of Dublin by nightHe's not your man. He's Irish avant-garde novelist James Joyce
— belpo 🌿 (@ragsoflove) November 23, 2018
Here’s one to the library!
Ladies, if he:
– is warm and inviting
– is generous
– is active in the community
– expects you to return his stuff frequently and fines you if you don’t
– demands you stay awake at all timesHe's not your man. He's a public library and you should return your books on time.
— Alex Halpern (@HalpernAlex) November 25, 2018
And some for the writers out there!
https://twitter.com/rachel/status/1066189521941860353?s=20
Ladies, if he:
-doesn't text back
-rarely makes sense
-uses the word "just" a lot
-is covered in notes that say "fix this later"
-has a saggy middleHe's not your man, he's my first draft. Please send him back.
— Karen M. McManus (@writerkmc) November 26, 2018
We can’t leave without some love for books.
Ladies, if he:
– never texts back
– doesn’t follow you on social media
– can’t go in the water
– emotionally tortures you
– has a super hard shellHe's not your man. He's a book, and books are better than men, so happy reading.
— Random House (@randomhouse) November 24, 2018
