Humor

Texts From Last Night: Reading Edition

This content contains affiliate links. When you buy through these links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

Vivienne Woodward

Contributor

Vivienne Woodward lives in Philly and works as the events coordinator for an indie bookstore. She can often be found drinking too much coffee in the sunny spot on her couch and over-identifying with fictional characters. She enjoys collecting hobbies, dancing to radio pop, and rearranging the book stacks on her side tables.

View All posts by Vivienne Woodward

So I stayed in last night to read…and things got wild.

(917): I got kicked out of Barnes and Noble because I put all the copies of Lincoln in the Bardo in the Spirituality section. GEORGE SAUNDERS IS MY RELIGION.

via GIPHY

(354): Is it normal for your ears to be ringing the morning after?

(289): I don’t know, what did you do last night?

(289): Concert?

(289): Screaming girls?

(354): Six. straight. hours. of. audio book.

 

(412): I’ve got to stop reading at night. I woke up this morning covered in Philip Roth pages I’d ripped out in my sleep.

 

(768): I’m not going to lie, I can’t even see straight this morning.

(287): Shit, no way dude. What were you up to?

(768): I got so deep into Sula

(287): That was her name?!

(768): Nah, that’s a book by Toni Morrison, I swear it’s like 8 point font.

via GIPHY

(376): …things are so awkward here. SOS.

(944): Oh god. What’s going on? I’m still at dinner but can come after.

(376): I just told my boyfriend that I prefer the movie to the book and he hasn’t looked at me in an hour. He’s cradling his copy of A Clockwork Orange and rocking back and forth.

 

(607): I drank so much warm milk, like so much warm milk, that I had to put down Woman in the Window four different times to pee at like, the worst possible moments. FML.

 

(493): I saw her again at the bar. That’s the third time I’ve randomly seen her in the last week. Library, coffee shop, and now bar.

(716): That’s so weird, who brought her out?

(493): She was all alone! It was all I could do not to take her home with me, you know? At this point it feels like fate.

(716): I feel you, but also is it too far that you’ve personified a book this much?

(493): NEVER. CIRCE I AM COMING FOR YOU!!!!

via GIPHY

(215): I woke up this morning with $300 charged on my credit card. I sleep-shopped at Shakespeare & Co again.

 

(787): I just got banned from the bar for life.

(912): Ummmm. Why.

(787): The bartender said it “wasn’t an accident” that I tripped the shot girl with my book.

(787): He was right.

(787): Shot girl told me she didn’t like Americanah.

via GIPHY