A Fill-In-The-Blank Fan Letter to Your Favorite Author

Dear [Author’s Name],

I can’t tell you how much I loved [book title]. I’ve read it at least [number] times. The wisdom therein has really improved my relationship with my [self/pet/person of relevance]. In fact, your entire body of work has helped me understand that nothing in life matters except [your personal revelation].

I almost never write this kind of thing but it’s like you were speaking directly to me. You didn’t hack my [email server] account did you?? Haha just kidding—unless you did!

In all seriousness, I wonder whether you intended for your readers to feel [hopeful, hopeless] about humanity in general after reading [book title]? Is that how you feel? Because just like [protagonist’s name], I too wake up every morning with the overwhelming sense that [we’re all going to be fine/we’re all profoundly fucked]. If you’re ever in [your hometown] I hope you will let me take you out for a [your favorite beverage] and pick your brain. Who knows! Maybe a dialogue with me—someone whose brain clearly works in the same way as yours—could help generate some ideas for your next book. I would only require 10% of all profits. Just kidding again—unless you earned like a million dollars off of something I said!

Anyway, I wanted you to know that your prose is the reason I am questioning my decision to become a [your profession]. I’ve always had a passion for writing and my high school English teacher said I had a particular aptitude for [your greatest strength as a writer]. I wonder whether you would ever allow me to send you something I wrote? I’m sure you’re much too busy, but let me know just in case! I do hope this letter will help you see that we are kindred spirits.

Finally, if you’ll allow me to get a little personal here, I read your recent interview with [media outlet]. I was so distressed to hear that you sometimes find writing isolating. Your books have made me feel so much less alone and I can’t stand thinking that my gain is at your expense. I hope you don’t mind that I’ve enclosed a [vial of my blood/lock of my hair]. I thought you could wear it on a chain around your neck so the next time you sit down to write you don’t feel so alone.

Please write back. I have included a SASE for your convenience (I hope no [blood/hair] got on it!!!). Please enclose a signed headshot, if that’s not too much to ask. And let me know if I can send you my most recent short story. Unless I hear otherwise, I will assume it’s a yes.

Sincerely,

[Your name]

via GIPHY

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