Why I Don’t Want A Movie Adaptation Of My Favorite Book

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the book is almost always better that the movie. Having said that, it sometimes makes me wonder why fans of a certain book or book series clamor for a movie adaptation of their favorite, unless they just want something to bitch about (which I most certainly understand and can relate to). Personally, I’d rather that film execs don’t touch my beloved books.

The actors would not fit the characters perfectly.

When I read, I almost always use actors to visualize the characters, regardless of whether or not they fit the characters’ physical appearance as described in the book. This is partly because I do what I want and partly because I have no imagination. For example, I’ve always imagined Harry Dresden of The Dresden Files to look like Jared Padalecki, and if someone were to ever adapt this series into film, they would probably not cast him because, weirdly, the universe does not exist to please me.

Some of the scenes would be cut or changed.

When a book gets adapted into film, it’s inevitable that some of the scenes will not appear on screen. No matter how much I want to see every single detail in the book translated perfectly on screen exactly the way I have imagined it, it will never happen. Some of the scenes would have to be let go or edited, sometimes because of time restriction, sometimes because the director/producer/that one guy is being a dick.

Some of the dialogue would be removed or altered.

I LOVED the first book of the Maze Runner series, and I will not hesitate to say that I adore Newt and am willing to sacrifice any and all characters in the series (except maybe Minho) in order to save him. He’s a deadpan snarker, and I live for that crap (or, in this case, klunk). He’s also got one of the best lines in the book. After he asks Minho to give an inspiring message and Minho complies by delivering a rather grim pep talk, Newt quips, “Great. We’re all bloody inspired.”

I swear this is funny in context.

I’ve been waiting all throughout the movie for that one line, but guess what didn’t make it to the film?

Most people would know only the movie version.

Actual conversation that happens between a book person and a non-book person:

Book Person: Hey, have you read [book]? You really have to; it’s so good.

Non-Book Person: No, but I’ve seen the movie. Isn’t that the same thing?

BP: *pulls all their hair out*

And another:

BP: You must read this. It has changed my life, and it will also change yours, I promise. Read. This. Right. Now.

NBP: No, thanks. I’ll just wait for the movie to come out.

BP: *spontaneously bursts into flames*

These are just some of the reasons why I think a movie adaptation of my favorite book is a bad idea. Truthfully, though, I’d still watch it and then probably spend the next two weeks of my life bitching about it.

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