Humor

The First Time You Give Up On Reading A Book

Ms. Constance Augusta A. Zaber is a New England writer and general artist interested in history, sex practices, libraries, what she’s going to eat next, and Virginia Woolf. Visit constancezaber.com for links to her stores and her sex blog. Follow her on Twitter: @constancezaber.

There’s nothing like that feeling of starting a new book. That moment when you first open the book and everything feels fresh and exciting.

julie andrews in thoroughly modern milly burst open door

You start off full of optimism for whatever adventure this book will bring.

rupaul saying i can't wait to see how this turns out

It might start out alright but eventually you realize that this book just isn’t doing it for you.

doctor river song looking surprised and annoyed

You keep telling yourself that it’s going to get better if you just manage to push through it.

fire this is fine black books

I mean it has to get better, right? After all Margaret Atwood recommended it on Twitter.

homer simpson flipping through book frustrated

Eventually just picking it up becomes a battle between you and the book.

grommit reading a book

You. Will. Not. Let. This. Book. Beat. You.

(Photo by Olivier Douliery-Pool/Getty Images)

(Photo by Olivier Douliery-Pool/Getty Images)

Finally you begin to crack and wonder, “What if I just don’t finish it?”

the grinch animated film doctor seuss

Initially the idea is anathema to you and just entertaining it fills you with guilt.

kritin wiig as sue from saturday night live

Then the day comes. The day when you can’t take it anymore.

william riker falling down I CAN'T

You’re not going to finish reading this damn book.

shutting book and throwing it out the window

The wave of relief that washes over you is bold and uplifting and stronger than coffee.

lucille bluth waving arms arrested development

You’re FREE!

president bill clinton on the sax

You’re a rebel now, a hardened outlaw living outside of the rules of society.

cat flipping through bookWhen you go to the library the next day you return it via the book drop just to avoid the question, “And how did you like it?”

jim halbert in fake mustache hiding in car the office

That night you curl up in bed with a favorite reread, a book that’s guaranteed to give you all the warm tingly sensations of a great story.

mitt romney happily reading autobiography

And when you do pick up your next new book you’re not afraid of it totally sucking.

meryl streep as miranda presley in devil wears prada in elevator deal with it

You’ve already broken free of those constricting social conventions and now you know that you can just toss any book that fails to please.

sailor mars fire spinning attack