This list is in no particular order, but it’s a collection of excellent mustaches in the world of literature. We’ve featured excellent mustaches and beards before, and I didn’t want this to be just another repeat. So the twist here is to the best of my knowledge, all the mustaches below are, at the time of writing, alive and well.
Nick Offerman’s mustache
This is the mustache that basically inspired this list, so I figured we should just get it out of the way first. I know, I know, I just said this list was in no particular order. And it isn’t. Except for this entry. Anyway, just admire this glorious mustache for a moment. And then weep because a) Parks and Rec is in the can and b) this mustache has been shaved off (yes I know this entry is a double cheat, but just let me have this one). To learn more about growing such a healthy mustache, read his book Paddle Your Own Canoe.
Saladin Ahmed’s mustache
It isn’t the bushiest or most attention-calling mustache in the world, but it’s a solid, dependable one. Unassuming, and perfectly kempt. A fine specimen among mustaches. Solid, A+, would admire again.
LeVar Burton’s mustache
Another excellently coiffed mustache. There won’t be any epic poetry written about this facial hair, but I’m a fan of simplicity and “less is more.” Except when it comes to books. I’m all about shelves filled to bursting, in that case. Or in Mr. Burton’s case, straight up rolling around in them.
Chris Hadfield’s mustache
This mustache has been in space! And also in a most excellent spacey cover of David Bowie’s Space Oddity. The human who belongs to his mustache also wrote a most excellent book about achieving your dreams through hard work and guts (bonus points if you recognize another nerdy reference in that statement) called An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth. You can use his valuable insight in this book to grow a big, bold mustache of your own.
Patrick Rothfuss’s mustache
It’s kind of a dark picture, but absolutely necessary. Not only does he look like Hagrid, he’s got epic snow-on-beard action going on here, too. Cheers to my fellow Rioter Nikki Steele for contributing this excellent mustache.
Jeffrey Eugenides’s mustache
This one was another mustache that made it in because of a fellow Rioter. Thanks to our ever-dauntless managing editor Amanda for bringing this most excellent mustache to my attention. This is a nice, classic look.
Hayao Miyazaki’s mustache
Hayao Miyazaki is one of my favorite living storytellers, and will continue to be one of my favorites even well after he’s gone. Besides having adapted beloved books into now also beloved animated films, did you know Miyazaki writes and illustrates manga? If you want to get started, I recommend Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. That last bit is what qualified him for this list, and this makes me happy. As for the mustache? Perfection.
Donald Crews’s mustache
Where does the mustache end and beard begin? Not only does he manage to have a super full, completely amazing mustache and beard combo, he manages it in style. Simply gorgeous.
And last, but certainly not least…
Tina Fey’s mustache
Every inch of you is bookish from the bottom to the top. Bookworm knee socks, at the Book Riot Store!