Internet, while you were raging out about Amazon having delivery drones, I was planning ways to use this for comedy. Here are five ideas to use delivery drones to make the world a better place through laughter. The best part of this whole thing is that deliveries will arrive in thirty minutes, which means you can use Amazon Drones to respond up-to-the-moment situations in your life.
1. The next time your racist uncle has a few too many at the family dinner table, use your smartphone to have a continuous flow of haemorrhoid and / or yeast infection treatments delivered in his name.
2. Find yourself on a terrible date with some mouth-breathing, smartphone-checking, boring story-telling, questionably frangranced individual? Amazon yourself a copy of your favourite novel and just start reading it at the table. Either he or she will get the hint, or you’ll find a bookish buddy. Bonus marks: start talking to the drone as though it is sentient (possibly more sentient than your terrible date).
3. You ever get the feeling the people you’re with aren’t paying attention to you? I bet they’ll start if halfway through a night in with friends you accept staggered deliveries of a copy of Fifty Shades of Gray, a set of handcuffs, a frozen turkey, a can of WD-40, and a case of Twizzlers.
4. You know when you’re at the movies and you get that sense, during the trailers, that the guy in front of you is going to be a talker? Maybe because he’s narrating the trailers, maybe because he’s still on his phone, maybe because he does the loud “OMG WHY AM I WATCHING ADS WHEN I PAID FOR THE MOVIE” thing. If you order as soon as you get the inkling, an Amazon drone can bring a water gun right to your seat that you can fill from your gallon jug of cola and use to make your annoyance known.
5. Sometimes when I go to my car in the dark parking garage at work there is a pack of sketchy looking dudes hanging around. I’m sure they mean no harm, but I’m on the smallish side and I look about as tough as a sack of sedated kittens and sometimes I wish I could just disperse them. What disperses teenage boys faster than anything? How about drone after drone dropping packages of tampons and menstrual pads from the sky?
Come on. Release the rage and come to the funny side. What hilarious drone-enabled deliveries can you imagine?
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