12 Good Books I Know I’m Never Going to Read

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Susie Rodarme

Staff Writer

Susie Rodarme is obsessed with small press literary fiction and tea. Other notable skills: chainmaille weaving, using Photoshop semi-correctly, and drinking gin.

Obviously, if I don’t think I’m going to like a book, I won’t put it on my TBR; sometimes, though, there are books that are super-popular and thought very highly of and that look really good that I will unfortunately never get around to reading. And sometimes? Even though the books and I match on paper (heh), I just don’t want to read them, for reasons. Maybe irrational reasons. Probably irrational reasons.

I just can’t read all the books. I can’t. So, here are some books that, even though they look amazing, I know I’m never going to read. Anything I remotely thought I’d pick up on a whim, I left off the list.

the fault in our stars cover1. The Fault in Our Stars. YEP, just gonna go ahead and open with that. It’s not that I’m some kind of hipster who can’t read stuff that’s “mainstream”–I read all of the Sookie Stackhouse books, f’r instance*–but I feel like I’ve missed my moment with TFiOS. There’s so much cultural baggage around both the title and John Green that I don’t think I could enjoy it at this point. The expectation levels are too high.

2. Jane Eyre. People love the shit out of Jane Eyre, and it’s not like I haven’t tried to read it. I got caught up in JE hype during the proto-bookternet (‘member when we did this in IRC? REMEMBER CHATROOMS?) and I don’t think I ever made it past page 50. There’s a slim chance I may try this again someday, but I doubt it.

3. War and Peace. My husband loves this book. I even have a copy of my own–the Pevear translation–but I know I am never going to pick this book up, just like he knows he’s never going to read Kerouac, even though I maintain he would love Kerouac if he would just give it a chance.

4. The Lord of the Rings. As much as my friend sj makes it sound like a grand adventure, I know me. I’m never going to read these. Or The Hobbit. Sorry, sj. <3

5. Sophie’s Choice. I can’t even imagine putting myself through the feels involved in reading this book. Sorry, William Styron.

6. Little Women. My mom loves this book and she’s always telling me how good it is. If I haven’t been compelled to pick it up by now, I am not sure I ever will be.

life-of-pi-book-cover7. Life of Pi. Mostly I probably won’t read this book because my douchey ex-roommate looooooooved it and anything that reminds me of him gives me dry-heaves.

8. The Hunger Games. I think I missed the boat on this one, too. I even own the first one for Kindle but have never even been tempted to crack it open. I find the premise interesting but I feel like I know too much about it to become fully immersed. Also, that expectations thing like TFiOS.

9. The Corrections. Tried. Found it meh. See also: Jonathan Franzen and pretty much everything he ever says in the media. It’s a long list of reasons why I don’t read him.

10. Gone Girl. I’m just not that into thrillers most of the time? I’m sure it’s amazing if that’s your thing.

11. Everything is Illuminated. I think I tried to read it once and got three pages in.

12. The Odyssey. My brain sees epic poetry and thinks “NOPE.” I didn’t have to read this one so I doubt I ever will read it.

Which books would you put on your list? Want to make a case for your favorite books and change my mind? I could possibly be persuaded.

*And after the latter half of the series, I desperately wish I could get those hours of my life back. But that’s another post.