Weird Stuff People Say to Librarians (and the Things I Do Not Say in Response)
This is a guest post from Corin Balkovek. As a child, Corin tried to find ways to look busy when she was actually reading a book. She still does that, but as a librarian, she has more luck pulling it off.
When people find out I work in a library, they seem to always have some sort of observation or comment about libraries or reading that they need to tell me. And a lot of the time, it’s REAL annoying. I’m sure it happens to all sorts of professions*, but in the attempt of being professional and not a total garbage human being, I sometimes have to censor my first reaction and substitute something a little more friendly and personable. After all, libraries serve the public and we want to be open and welcoming to all.**
“Ugh, books are SO boring.”
What I want to say:
“BOOKS AREN’T BORING, YOUR FACE IS BORING.”
What I actually say:
“I bet you were forced to read a book you didn’t connect with, but there are so many different kinds of books and stories out there! I bet I can find one you’ll enjoy.”
“I haven’t read a book since college/high school!”
What I want to say:
“Mark Twain once said, ‘The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.’ In case you didn’t pick up on it, that’s a fancy-pants way of saying you are basically choosing to be illiterate. You probably shouldn’t be bragging about it, bruh.”
What I actually say:
“Wow, that’s such a shame, there are so many amazing books out there! Let me know if you want a recommendation.”
“Wow, I didn’t know libraries were still a thing!”
What I want to say:
“Well, I didn’t know pleated jeans were still a thing, but you still seem to be rocking them on the daily, Brenda, so I guess we’re both learning something new today. HAHAHAHA, I’M JUST KIDDING (NOT REALLY).”
What I actually say:
“Libraries are totally a thing, but they probably aren’t the quiet book spaces you are picturing. You should check it out sometime, I bet you’ll be amazed at all of the cool things libraries offer these days.”
“I just buy the books I want to read.”
What I want to say:
“WELL, LOOK AT MR./MRS./MS./whatever your chosen honorific pronoun is because I want to be respectful MONEYBAGS OVER HERE!”
What I actually say:
“Well, libraries are a great way to stretch your dollar. Plus, if you want to try out a different type of genre or author but were hesitating, you can without taking the risk that you’ll be spending your money on something you won’t like!”
“So, do you just go home and read all these books at night?”
What I want to say:
“I literally played Tetris on my phone until it was time to go to bed, then attempted to read but fell asleep with the book on my face, so not really, but I wish that I could.”
What I actually say:
“I literally played Tetris on my phone until it was time to go to bed, then attempted to read but fell asleep with the book on my face, so not really, but I wish that I could.”
* At least I don’t have people showing me their weird rashes, like a nurse friend of mine. Though, now that I think about it, I have had that happen at work.
At least I don’t have it happen on a regular basis.
** (Cue: a unicorn floating over a rainbow covered in kittens.)***
***(Cue also: fake gagging noises and deep, DEEP eyerolls.)
