My parenting style can best be described as Crunchy Feelings Granola with an undercurrent of Clear-Eyed Ruthlessness. I do a lot of empathizing and saying things like ‘Those are hard feelings to have’ but I also sleep-train and vaccinate like a motherfucker. I’m trying to raise my kids to be strong and savvy and socially conscious and not complete garbage people and this is harder than I expected.
Buy: Nurtureshock – a science-based look at how our best parenting intentions run wrong: how the way we talk to our kids (or don’t) about race makes them more racist, why kids lie, what is actually happening between your kids while they fight. And don’t scoff, because yes there will always be books telling you that everything you’re doing is wrong, but if YOU TOO find it frustrating that your best intentions seem to have the opposite effect, this book may help explain why. With SCIENCE.
Science has so many uses.
Borrow: The Wonder Weeks. I do not totally accept the premise that these leaps come in quantifiable ‘weeks’ but I for sure can get my head around the idea that babies and children make cognitive leaps in the same way they make physical leaps, which throws their mental paradigm into disorder and they have to spend days (or weeks!) being totally assholes while they reorganize their shit.
Borrow the book for the theory, and then buy the app if you dig it. ORRRR save yourself the $$$ and whenever your kid is being a nutjob, just be like, Fuck wonder weeks, man.
This lady feels it.
Bypass: any book about pregnancy because you will lose your dang mind. The pregnant body is such a cornucopia of delights that no book will possibly cover it all, and there’s no reason for you to know about the thousand things that will never happen to you. The internet has admirably stepped into the gap of ‘what is my uterus doing’ and ‘should I be getting all these nosebleeds’ and if none of your girlfriends is like, Heads up you will bleed for six weeks so steal some back-ups of those mesh granny panties the hospital gives you, then you need to get new girlfriends. Just know which websites are legit and talk to your doctor about anything rilly weird.
OOOOH EXCEPT. Expecting Better, which lays out the science and the relative risks behind various behaviours that pregnant women are often cautioned against (horseback riding! Eating deli meat!) so that you can stop saying, Ughhhhhh I’m not allowed to eat soft cheese (because hello you are a grown-ass woman, you are allowed to eat w-ever t f you want) and start saying, I’m choosing not to have more than half a cup of coffee because for me, in my educated assessment, the enjoyment does not outweigh the risk, but I WILL have this (almost certainly pasturized and therefore fine) entire wheel of brie. This is not a book about raising a sane individual but it will help keep you sane in what is truly an insane time.
What parenting books are helping you raise your children in the manner of your choosing?