Literary Crushes

While we at the Riot are taking this lovely summer week off to rest (translation: read by the pool/ocean/on our couches), we’re re-running some of our favorite posts from the last several months. Enjoy our highlight reel, and we’ll be back with new stuff on Wednesday, July 8th.

This post originally ran May 31, 2015.
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I’ve never considered myself boy-crazy. A coworker once told me she actually thought I was gay, because I never talked about relationships or guys I thought were cute. (Because work is totally the most appropriate place to discuss the details of your romantic history.)

Just because I don’t stand around regaling my coworkers about my undying love for that cute skater boy who works at my favorite pizza place, or that gorgeous red-headed tattooed guy from my grocery store (my sexual preferences became fixed sometime around my 14th birthday) doesn’t mean I don’t ever sympathize with Tina Belcher.

But, unlike Tina, I don’t churn out notebook after notebook of erotic friend-fiction to express my feelings. I just read the same books over and over.

1. The Weasley Twins

Credit tumblr.com/Warner Brothers

I read somewhere (probably some dubious fan forum) that J.K. Rowling entertained the idea of having Hermione and Fred get together. And if you read the books, you can kind of believe that (he rags on her a bit in Goblet of Fire). I really don’t see “Fremione” working long-term, but wouldn’t it have been fun for a little bit?! I had a thing for gingers when I was growing up, and I will always have a thing for sassy boys (thanks rom-coms for conditioning straight women to find dudes who put us down attractive) and, despite all their shenanigans, the Weasley Twins are clearly intelligent, brave, ambitious young men who care deeply about their families, and have a Gryffindor’s quintessential dedication to the greater good. Wicked.

2. Nat Eaton

Credit barnesandnoble.com

I read The Witch of Blackbird Pond at least once a year, and have for probably the last decade. Sometimes twice if I’m dealing with some stuff, and I need a reminder that at least one thing on this Earth is bright and shining and good. The part where Nat lights the jack-o-lanterns in the house his rival is building to share with the girl they both like, KILLS ME. It’s such a teenage boy thing to do. You’re dating the girl I want to date? I’m going to do the 17th-century equivalent of egging your house. Nat is basically a composite of every punk rock doofus I have ever had a crush on, despite my better judgment. Except the way he looks after Hannah, befriends Prudence, and eventually faces threat of a whipping to help Kit during her witchcraft inquisition demonstrate that he is fundamentally a good guy. Heart melted.

 

3. Cap Garland

Credit beyondlittlehouse.com

Oooooh, Cap with your wholesome frontier charm and bravery. I felt so validated when I read Pioneer Girl and Laura admitted that she planned to throw Almanzo over for you when she finished her term at the Brewster School. But when that fated day came, and you finally asked Laura to have some candy or go sleigh-riding or hay-twisting, she decided to stick with Almanzo (have you ever Googled photos of Manly? What a babe). The Little House books never explicitly stated that Laura had a crush on Cap– there are just a lot of descriptions of his smile and how brave he is to look for the wheat with Almanzo and then he suddenly becomes Mary Power’s boyfriend. I wish he could have been my boyfriend.

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