Sneak Peek! Batman vs. Superman: Prawn of Justice

This post originally appeared on Panels, which is now Book Riot Comics

the little mermoaBy now you’ve probably seen the first image of Jason Momoa as Aquaman in next year’s Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice. And yeah, he looks badass, but can even Jason Momoa overcome Aquaman’s reputation as a joke hero? Well, we at Panels HQ have managed to get our hands on the screenplay, and we’re pretty impressed with what Snyder and Goyer have done. Check out some choice scenes below:

EXT. GOTHAM BEACH PARTY – NIGHT

LOIS
Clark, I can’t believe you were able to get us invited to one of Bruce Wayne’s fabulous parties! How do you know him again?

CLARK
Uh…he’s in my racquetball league?

LOIS
You don’t play racquetball. He’s another superhero, isn’t he? You know I’m gonna figure out which one, Smallville.

CLARK
Why Lois, that’s ridiculous!
(hastily)
Oh, look, is that bacon-wrapped shrimp?

BRUCE and DIANA approach.

BRUCE
Clarkie! So glad you could make it, old chum.

CLARK and BRUCE shake hands and glower into each other’s eyes. It is very COOL and MACHO and definitely not even a little bit HOMOEROTIC.

BRUCE
Have you met my date, Diana? She’s from Greece, got some unpronounceably long last name.

DIANA
Yes, I have a last name in addition to my first, as mortals do.

LOIS
…What.

BRUCE
(hastily)
Who’s your lady friend, Clarkie?

LOIS
Lois Lane, Daily Planet. While I have you, Mr. Wayne, I was hoping you could address the rumors that Lexcorp and Waynetech have been dumping chemical waste into the harbor?

BRUCE
What a fun party guest you’ve brought, Clark. Ms. Lane, I can assure you that Waynetech makes preserving our natural resources a priority, and our recent partnership with Lexcorp should not be viewed as…

The ground shakes. A HUGE WAVE splashes towards the beach. A silhouette of a man appears, apparently walking on water. CLARK and DIANA take fighting positions.

(Musical cue: “Aquaman’s Theme – Under the Sea.”) [Note: In order to get permission from Disney to use this, we had to replace Jimmy Olsen with Mickey Mouse. Probably no one will notice.]

LOIS
Holy crap.

The man is revealed to be AQUAMAN, riding a KILLER WHALE and holding a TRIDENT. He looks totally BOSS.

AQUAMAN
(grimly)
Where is the one they call Bruce Wayne?

BRUCE
I’m Bruce Wayne. What do you want?

AQUAMAN
I am Arthur, King of Atlantis. Vessels bearing your standard have been pouring your waste into my oceans, and I have come to tell you that this shell not stand!

BRUCE
…I’m sorry, did you say “shell?”

AQUAMAN
For too long you humans have tainted and poisoned my realm. In the past I might have accepted tribute as recompense, but now, with this final insult, you have gone too far! Nothing will appease me but the turtle annihilation of your race!

BRUCE
Uh. Did…did you just say turtle annihilation?

CLARK
Is he kidding?

BRUCE
I can’t tell!

AQUAMAN
You! What is that you hold in your hand, human who wears corrective lenses and thus is probably feeble even though you are exceptionally large?

CLARK
It’s bacon-wrapped shrimp…oh, fudge.

AQUAMAN
You dare! This is the unkindest cuttlefish of all!

CLARK
Okay, seriously, what is happening right now?

The KILLER WHALE eats several people.

INT. WAYNE MANOR – NIGHT

(Musical cue: “Aquaman’s Theme – Under the Sea.”)

BATMAN
…And so you see, Lex Luthor was responsible for the chemical dumping, not WayneTech, and he’s also probably up to some other evil things that we all need to team up to stop, even though he is one ordinary human and two of the four of us can fly. Can we count on you, Your Majesty?

AQUAMAN
(grimly)
Very well. I shall assist you, just for the halibut.

SUPERMAN
…What?

WONDER WOMAN
I like him.

EXT. GOTHAM DOCKS – NIGHT

(Musical cue: “Aquaman’s Theme – Under the Sea.”)

WONDER WOMAN
I’m sorry your fish companion had to give his life to save us, Arthur.

AQUAMAN
(grimly)
He’s with the angelfish now.

BATMAN, SUPERMAN, and WONDER WOMAN exchange glances.

WONDER WOMAN
(whispers)
Should we laugh?

SUPERMAN
(whispers)
I don’t know! I never know with this guy!

BATMAN
Uh. Angelfish, Aquaman?

AQUAMAN
Yes. He’s now a holy mackerel, Batman.

ROBIN runs in, holding his hand up for a high five.

ROBIN
Yes! Awesome!

BATMAN
Robin! I told you to wait in the car! This is a serious movie.

ROBIN
That man is riding a giant crab.

BATMAN
In. The car.

ROBIN
Aw, man.

ROBIN trudges out.

INT. BATCAVE – NIGHT

CYBORG
I’m also here!

INT. BATCAVE – NIGHT

(Musical cue: “Aquaman’s Theme – Under the Sea.”)

SUPERMAN
(grimly)
…And that’s Luthor’s plan.

WONDER WOMAN
Why, it’s like some kind of crazy real estate scam!

SUPERMAN
I know, weird, right?

BATMAN
Your Majesty, I know you don’t like land dwellers, but if we don’t stop Luthor, this could have devastating consequences not just for the human race, but for the oceans as well.

AQUAMAN
Yes, I sea.

SUPERMAN
Is that…

AQUAMAN
Is that what?

SUPERMAN
Did you just say “I sea,” like, sea like the ocean?

AQUAMAN
I cannot see the ocean from here. Can you see the ocean from here, with your mighty powers of sight?

SUPERMAN
No, I…you know what, never mind.

DOWNTOWN GOTHAM – NIGHT

SUPERMAN and WONDER WOMAN fight MECHA-KRYPTONITE-ARMOR LEX LUTHOR in downtown Gotham. Many office buildings are smashed.

AQUAMAN has collapsed, because it’s been over an hour since he’s been in water. BATMAN runs through the last office building left standing, looking for a water cooler.

BATMAN
(grimly)
Don’t you people ever get thirsty? Like I thirst for justice?

BATMAN runs up another flight of fire stairs and bursts into a hallway. There’s a WATER COOLER at the other end of the abandoned floor. A chair wheels slowly past, on fire.

SUPERMAN throws LEX LUTHOR through a hospital.

BATMAN triumphantly splashes a DIXIE CUP full of water on AQUAMAN’S FACE. (Musical cue: “I’m the Goddamn Batman Theme.”)

AQUAMAN
(silence)

BATMAN turns sadly away. (Musical cue: “My Parents Are Dead Theme.”)

AQUAMAN stirs. (Musical cue: “Aquaman’s Theme – Under the Sea.”) BATMAN turns back.

BATMAN
(with feeling)
Thank cod. Thank cod.

____________________

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