Congratulations to Random House on finding that lost Dr. Seuss book! Assuming that the task force of forensic editorial anthropologists appointed specifically to accomplish this feat now has some time on its hands, might we apply that towards finding these other lost children’s book treasures?
1. Long form birth certificates for all of the Mo Willems characters. If the elephant is named Gerald, why is the Piggy just named Piggy?
2. Margaret Wise Brown’s Goodnight Moon follow-up, Sorry Guys I Was On A Lot Of Drugs When I Wrote That Last One.
3. Court transcripts from when Love You Forever mom was brought up on child abuse charges. You KNOW something ain’t right in that relationship. Go read it again and try to tell me that those two have a healthy attachment to one another.
4. John Green’s grocery list. Let’s be real with ourselves, it would take us all of a week to collectively sell a million copies of anything that dude writes.
5. The new Markus Zusak novel. No, seriously. Where has he been?
6. A written confession from John Grisham for his crimes against the middle grade genre.
7. I Am Alarmed By Your Persistent Refusal to Acknowledge My Complete Disdain for Actual Children: The Collected Letters of Maurice Sendak.
8. @MsBEFrankenw, the protected Twitter account maintained by the ghost of EL Konigsburg
9. Bootlegs from that mythic Jack Prelutsky- Shel Silverstein rap battle
10. Bitch, Please, I Invented Dystopia: The Lois Lowry essay stuck in copyedits at the New York Review of Books.
11. “Day 439: Took 6th-favorite yellow suit out of storage after the dry cleaner ruined my 5th favorite- ugh! Monkey seems restless; might be time for a trip to the aquarium. Let’s hope it’s quiet and incident-free.”
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