Humor

Helen Fielding Kills Off Mark Darcy: A GIF Response

In case you haven’t heard–you, you happy few–allow me to spread some bad news around: Helen Fielding kills Mark Darcy in the third, soon-to-be-published Bridget Jones book, Mad About the Boy.

gasp

Yes, it’s true. The news broke on the 29th when Fielding published an excerpt from Mad About the Boy in The Sunday Times. Apparently Fielding wanted to write about online dating, so Mark had to kick the bucket in order to pave the way for more dating travails from our unlucky heroine.

 

what?

Yeah. To quote one of my friends on Twitter, “WTF? Just write a new character then.” Or have Bridget and Mark get a divorce! Or cheat on one another! Anything!

why are you doing this to me?

How did such a huge spoiler get leaked? Apparently the publisher (in Canada, anyway), doesn’t believe it WAS a spoiler. But, they assure us, the book is still “a wonderful read.”

uh yeah

But look on the bright side: at least now we know. Imagine if we’d all picked up our copies of Mad About the Boy thinking, “Gosh, I can’t wait to see what Bridget and Mark have been up to!” only to realize…

Noooooooo

does not want

Of course, George RR Martin kills characters off all the time, and it’s very upsetting. But Mark Darcy is different because he’s obviously modeled off Mr. Darcy from Pride & Prejudice, the man every woman wants and every man wants to be. He’s a literary icon and he’s played by Colin Firth, the sexist man in the universe! The only thing worse would be if Fielding killed off Sherlock Holmes (don’t even think about it, Fielding).

what are you doing?

Sherlock Holmes never dies! Darcy never dies! He and Elizabeth move to Pemberley and live happily ever after and never grow old. That’s the deal you take on when you adopt iconic literary characters into your own work! But apparently Fielding didn’t get that memo.

it was murder
It was murrrrrrderrrrrrr.
Oh yeah. It was.

 

There’s one, simple solution to this problem: not to read the book! If we never read the book it never happened, right? Mark Darcy will still be alive. Hear no evil and all that.

 

lalalalala

But now curiosity is nagging at you… How did Mark die? And WHY? And can he come back? C’mon, this the UK we’re talking about. No one dies on Doctor Who, ipso facto resurrection is possible. Right???

 

i choose vodka

Either way, I think this latest installment of Bridget’s life will require more vodka than ever before.

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