Giveaway Winner: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened

let's pretend this never happened paperback coverIn this giveaway sponsored by Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson, we asked you to spill the embarrassing/ridiculous/totally bonkers stories you wish you could pretend never happened. Many entered, three made it to the finals, and Dana was voted the winner by you, Book Riot’s readers. Here’s her winning entry!


Let me start by saying I was an “early developer” as a girl. By the time I was 15 I was wearing a bra with DD cups. It may sound all great and sexy and what-not, but when you don’t look like any of your friends, you just feel like a freak. So in my sophomore year of high school I took swim class for PE. I hated regular sports, but I could swim and roller skate like nobody’s business! the class was co-ed, so we all met out by the pool, both boys and girls. Of course, we couldn’t just jump in the pool and swim, that would be anarchy! To maintain order we had to do a list of exercises before we could actually swim.

One of the exercises was sit-ups. They were done in teams, with one person holding down the feet while the other sat up touching elbows to knees, then back down touching elbows to the mat. Essentially we all looked like we were trying to escape the foot captors by flying away.

So one day I show up ready to go through my exercises as quickly as possible so I can get in the pool. My friend grabs my feet and I start flapping away sitting up and back down as fast as I can. She is supposed to be counting, but I hear her mumbling something instead. Well I won’t let that stop me! I want to swim, so I am doing the counting in my head… 22, 23, 24, 25 DONE! Only as I go to trade places with her so I can hold her feet and we can start swimming, I notice that people seem to not be exercising any more and instead they are looking at me. Then I notice that my right boob has escaped my bathing suit and is on display for all to see! Cue crisis-level embarrassment. Needless to say I experienced the point and laugh effect in the hallways of school for months afterward.


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