Crossover Appeal

Everything I’m Hoping Is In The Amy Poehler Memoir

So it’s now pretty common internet knowledge that comedy superstar Amy Poehler is following in the footsteps of her womb-to-tomb best friend fellow comedy superstar Tina Fey and coming out with a memoir.

According to publisher It Books’ press release, the memoir will be  “An illustrated, non-linear diary full of humor and honesty and brimming with true stories, fictional anecdotes and life lessons, the book will be a unique and engaging experience from one of today’s most talented and beloved stars.”

Here’s what I’m hoping the book contains:

-I want key backstory moments like, for example, the moment (day, year, decade, whatever) that Poehler knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life doing comedy. I will say here that I thought the before-anyone-cared backstory ran a smidge long in Bossypants, so am hoping for a couple colorful and key anecdotes, not a ramble about the first few decades of her life.

-Before Parks and Recreation and even before SNL, Poehler was one of the founding members the comedy group Upright Citizens Brigade, which has since become a major improv/sketch comedy school on both coasts. I want to know all the backstory and secrets about her fellow Uprighters! I know she and fellow founder Matt Besser used to date. I want dirt on that! I want to know how big a cut she gets from the school now (those classes are EXPENSIVE). I want to know if she’s a little bit smug about beating out The Groundlings and becoming the new, cool LA improv school! I want to know if the long lines of young desperate aspiring artists outside UCB every night make her sad. Well, they must make her sad, but I want to know HOW sad.

– I just want so much SNL scoop. I want a story that out-stories the Bossypants “Jars of pee in male writers’ offices” story.

-The few anecdotes Tina told about Amy in Bossypants were golden (“My friend is here!” and “Amy’s eyes went black”) just killed me. I think it’s payback time. I want Amy’s side of the Amy/Tina friendship now.

-Not to compare this yet-unpublished memoir too much to Bossypants, but the one last comparison I’m going to make is that I really hope Amy does personalized shout-outs to the writers of Parks and Rec the way Tina did shout outs to the writers of 30 Rock because that was CLASS ACTION right there.

-I know it’s none of my business, but I want to know what went down with Will Arnett and Amy Poehler’s marriage. Yes, I want to know how they met and how they rose through the ranks together and what their secret nicknames for each other were and all that. But I also want to know why they split. I know it’s none of my business. But I still want to know.

– Have you seen her sons? She’s got two funny-faces, a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old, and their names are ARCHIE AND ABEL. I know, I can’t even. I want to hear all sorts of funny mommy anecdotes about these two. I also want to know if they’re just little-kid-funny or if they’re showing signs of growing up to be actual real person funny.

– I want to hear all about Poehler’s dark and crazy side (my interest in this has been piqued since the “Amy’s eyes went black” anecdote from Bossypants). I need more!

-I also want to hear more about Poehler’s just so warm and deeply human side. This video she did about loving your body just destroyed me. I think she has so many wonderful things to say to people and I want to hear what they are!