Humor

If Buddy the Elf Blogged Books

Book Rioters have composed several “If X Blurbed Books” posts and I wanted to do one with Buddy the Elf in honor of the holidays, but Buddy lacks the hipsterific irony and jaded cool necessary to be a blurber. He’s so earnest! He loves his obsession (Christmas) with a thousand loves! He wants to save the things he loves from its foes! Replace Christmas with books, and Buddy the Elf would make a perfect book blogger. So here are a few lines/scenes from Elf with Buddy recast as such:

On reading The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking by Oliver Burkeman
“I just like to smile, smiling’s my favorite.”

His response to the bruhaha of Imagine: How Creativity Works by Jonah Lehrer

buddy the elf

After discovering Bret Easton Ellis’ Twitter feed
“He’s an angry elf.”

Buddy at a BEA after party
YouTube Preview Image

After seeing a picture of Hemingway on the back of The Old Man and the Sea
“SANTA! OH MY GOD! SANTA’S COMING! I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM!”

On being asked by the publisher to write a blurb for the movie tie-in edition of The Hobbit
“It’s just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture.”

Finally getting to meet Jonathan Safran Foer after waiting in line at a signing:
“I waited 5 hours for you. Why is your coat so big? So, good news – I saw a dog today. Have you seen a dog? You probably have. How was school? Was it fun? Did you get a lot of homework? Huh? Do you have any friends? Do you have a best friend? Does he have a big coat, too?…”

Barging into Tea Obreht’s meeting with her publishers while on a tour of the building:
YouTube Preview Image

Reviewing Michael Pollan’s new book about how eating whatever it is you eat will kill you:
“We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.”

Walking into a BEA blogger breakfast at one of the Big 6
“This place reminds me of Santa’s Workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me.”

On finding out that Cheryl Strayed is going to be at his local book festival:
YouTube Preview Image