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Saturday Night Special: 6 Drunken Readings of FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

Did you guys know there are a bunch of drunk people reading and reviewing Fifty Shades of Grey on YouTube? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME? I don’t recall how, exactly, I fell into this shame-filled internet rabbit hole (I suspect it was the lethal combination of exhaustion, insomnia, and cocktails, but who knows!), but oh boy, am I ever glad I did.

Tip up your cup and throw your hands up, y’all. This is how we do it. (NSFW, in case there was any question.)

Part-review, part-dramatic reading of the book’s first sex scene, this video is all awesome. AND she reads it in a put-on British/Scottish/drunken pseudo-brogue that really brings out the absurdity of James’ writing.

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Highlights: “E.L. James, or as I like to say, E.L. Cool James, wrote this book…” and “I guess you don’t watch porn for the plotline,” and, regarding heroine Anastasia, “I’m convinced that part of her brain is missing.”

“What twenty-two-year-old wears pigtails, ever? EVER!”

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This one gets a C for production value but an A+ for slurring.

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The woman from the first video above returns with a reading of the first sex scene in Fifty Shades Darker. “Kiss me.” “Where?” “You know where…” Just, YES.

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In case you needed a reminder about why you should hide your phone before you get wasted. Also, Spanglish! The internet is forever. “Hashtag oops.”

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Everything sounds better in Australian, even if you pronounce “coup” as “coop,” like, where you keep chickens and don’t know that “gamine” is a word.

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