Giveaway Finalist #3: Outlandish Stories from the Dating Scene

Juliana C. was selected as a finalist in our Outlandish Stories from the Dating Scene giveaway, sponsored by Gotham Books and Girl Walks Into a BarThe winner will be the one whose entry reposted on BookRiot.com gets the most Facebook “likes” by 11:59PM EDT, Friday, April 27. The ONLY way to vote is to click the Facebook “Like” just above this text on BookRiot.com.

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The site: Match.com

Number of messages exchanged:  6

Location of date: Bubble tea shop

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 2012

I arrive on time, in jeans. I attempt to casually read the drink menu, but my focus is on the door. He shows up five minutes later, wearing a business suit. His profile led me to believe he would be taller.

We order our bubble tea, and I wind up paying for his because it’s a cash-only store and he doesn’t have any. Once we’re seated he asks me a few routine first-date questions, but once I ask him about his work the two-way dialogue goes out the window.

Him: Self-employed, energy consulting, blah blah, environmental regulations, blerghly bluhh…

Me: ….. [nodding like a bobblehead dog on a car dashboard, eyes on the wall clock slightly behind his head]

Him: Horrible story about some rich friend of his who throws lavish gatherings on yachts and divorced his wife for a 20-year-old…

Me: …. [forced laughter, comment about Boston events in general]

Him: Complaints about how hard it is to furnish his apartment…

Me: “I have to go meet my friends downtown.”

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

I get this message on Match:

“Wow – you really didn’t call me? We were so compatible – how could you deny that? I’m kidding – it clearly was not meant to be (although you’d be lucky to have me). Don’t get me wrong, I think you are extremely attractive, sociable, and generally speaking I think we got along (although you were a little defensive and immature).

I am writing this email because I thought you might be a great venue for me to expand my horizons and vice versa. I am seeing another girl (or two), but I was wondering if you’d want to hang out as friends. Stuff like – helping me decorate my apartment, shopping, or just going out?

I think we both bring things to the table – you an outlet to the party scene, me an outlet to the professional world – it’s a match made in heaven. What do you say to that? Friends with someone entirely different than your current friends – this is what life is about, exploring!”

— name removed to protect the passive-aggressive

After a lot of crowdsourcing and deep thought, I type “LOL” and hit send.

 

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