Fake Plots of Cormac McCarthy’s THE COUNSELOR

In a bit of a surprise, Cormac McCarthy recently sold an original screenplay to the same production company that made The Road. Some details about the story are floating around, but some of us here at Book Riot had our own ideas of what this movie might be like. Have your own take? Let us know in the comments.

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After an unspeakably harrowing few years, a grizzled writer who resembles McCarthy himself moves to a near-deserted town in New Mexico with his teenage son. All he wants is to be left alone to finish his latest book, but as soon as he meets his neighbors–a striking woman and her daughter–he knows that alone is the last thing he’ll be. A love he never saw coming pulls him back from the brink of despair, as the two women–the only women–in his life give his world new shape. Hope renewed leads the McCarthy character to the realization that he’s been writing the wrong books all along–that people don’t want  bleak sadness but comfort and love. Inspired by his new lover’s favorite writer Nicholas Sparks, the McCarthy character writes a new kind of story and in so doing, changes the ending to his own.

-RJS

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Ten years ago, John’s family was murdered. He suspected that the defendant in the drug case he was prosecuting was involved, but could never prove it. John now lives on a Texas ranch where he spends his time branding cattle and shooting coyotes (both the animals and the humans who smuggle illegal immigrants over the border using his property). One hot July afternoon, the sheriff Joanna arrives and tells him that she has captured a small-time drug runner who claims to have information about the decade-old murder of John’s family. The dealer, a tough-as-nails beauty who won’t say her name, wants something from John in exchange for the information. The three then begin a journey for answers through the bleak Texas desert. Trent Reznor is doing the soundtrack, and some animals will probably be harmed in the making of this movie.

-AN

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Opening scene: A pizza parlor, late at night. A Josh Brolin-like character, stoic, masculine, packs up for his last delivery of the night and heads out into the humid night. Soon, he arrives at his destination, a little cottage just on the outskirts of a small Texas town. An attractive woman wearing a bathrobe opens to Josh Brolin-character’s knock.

Josh Brolin character: “That’ll be $18.50.”

(Another attractive woman comes to the door behind Woman 1. She’s wearing a kimono, which she seems to be struggling to keep closed.)

Woman 1: “Here you go. Keep the change.”

Josh Brolin character: “Okay. Thanks.”

Woman 2: “Okay.”

(Josh Brolin character turns to leave.)

Woman 1: “Hey, wait. Does this have extra sausage, like we ordered?”

(She winks.)

Josh Brolin character: “Yes. Good night.”

(Gets in car. Leaves.)

-GZ

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Competition between the maid of honor and a bridesmaid, over who is the bride’s best friend threatens to upend the life of the maid of honor, and an out-of-work ranch hand. It all takes place in New Mexico and at the end the maid of honor and bridesmaid shoot each other in the face with captive bolt pistol cattle stunners.

-KS

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In the Penthouse Suite at the Bellagio, a bachelor party has just returned after a night of cigars, poker, and steaks the size of your face. Our groom, a mild mannered zookeeper, is ready to call it a night so he can catch up with his bride-to-be in the morning. But his groomsmen — a dentist, a lawyer, and a pool cleaner — have other plans: two strippers. The women arrive and begin to dance, and as their clothes come off, inhibitions falter. Soon, the men find themselves sharing their deepest secrets with the strangers… to dire consequences.

-KU

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A spin doctor hired by the US Treasury Department, Dan Steely must protect the government from negative press, while trying to discover who is attempting to sabotage the treasury’s plans to dispose of all the unwanted Susan B. Anthony and Sacajawea dollar coins taking up space in the vaults. Dan realizes he is getting closer to the truth when his Ford Probe is blown up, and someone pours bleach in his tank of sea monkeys. (Of note: This is the first time dialogue in a movie will be spoken entirely without punctuation.)

-LH

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Titus Meriweather is an aging public defender in Abraham, New Mexico. Trouble starts when he starts moonlighting as a go-between for some local doctors who are a little generous with their prescription pads. His brother, clergyman and town marshall, the Reverend Elijah Meriweather discovers Titus’ business and decides to lean on his older brother for money to fund the construction of a parochial school for girls on the outskirts of town. All seems to be going according to plan until the Mother Superior of the order of nuns who will be running the school gets wind of their scheme. She’ll take the money, but she wants something else as well…

-JO

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